Torn Sleeves McGee,

That coffee did weird things to my body. I'm all shaky now, and slightly naeseous, seeing double, I can't see the color blue or things that are glittery, and I'm pretty sure I'm growing a third arm from my knee. I'm never drinking coffee again. NEVER! On the plus side, my hair smells like the ocean breeze. If you're wondering what ocean breeze smells like, it smells like my hair.

I decided to stop drinking the coffee, but keep it sitting on my desk because despite my feelings of disgust toward the drink, I do love the smell of it. Plus, I feel like a true businesswoman with a cup of coffee on my desk.

Every time I get a papercut I mutter a statement of fake hate for Austin J. Hilmer. I don't actually know if his middle name starts with J, it just seemed to fit. I wouldn't be surprised if his middle is James though. Or Jamar. Jaundice? Probably not. But you never know.

I'm listening to the new A Fine Frenzy CD. It's not that new. It came out a few months ago, but it's their most recent CD and it's new to me. It's good, but I like their first CD better. No Ashes and Wine calibur songs on this album.

I'm so used to keeping my phone in my pocket and feeling it vibrate that now when it's not in my pocket, my hip literally vibrates making me think someone just texted me. Extreme phantom vibrations.

I got a Joni Mitchell CD from the library because it seems like a lot of female artists list her as an inspiration. She's good, but I don't like her music that well. It seems like in every song she's playing a game called "See how many words I can fit into two measures of music." Strange to listen to. But I guess she's original and talented, so I can maybe see why she's a role model for so many female artists.

I think if I had quadruplets I'd tell people I had two sets of twins, just to be different.

I read on article on Yahoo! this morning about people who have made money off their blogs. When will that happen to us? If anyone out there reading this would like to pay us to blog more we would gladly accept such an offer. As long as it came with corn muffins from Famous Dave's. #stringsattached

The word mustache just came into my head. I don't know why. Maybe I am secretly attracted to them, or sub-conciously wish I had one. I hope the latter is the true one. I think I could totally rock a mustache.

Last night at small group, our name game was to say your name and what you would spend $1 million dollars on if you won it. And you couldn't give it away to a good cause. You could only say what you'd do with it for youself. I said I would buy my best friend Becca all the dresses she wants from Modcloth. And I'd take her to Hardee's. Actually I said I'd buy $1 million worth of crackers. But what I REALLY said was that I'd buy a black Steinway grand piano (my dream purchase) and other musical equipment and spend the rest traveling. First place I'd go to: Muncie, Indiana. #partycityusa

I think I'm going to have to dump out my coffee. The smell is bringing back bad memories of drinking it.

Now that I'm looking at it, this is shaping up to be an extremely long post. Oh well, it should keep you entertained for at least 5 minutes.

I can't wait until I've saved up enough money to buy Kate Voegele's new CD. I know you don't like her but I LOVE her and am excited to hear her new music. She's my Joni Mitchell. Her Joni Mitchell is Joni Mitchell. That's actually why I got the Joni Mitchell CD.

If looks could kill you'd be a murderer (copyright 2011 Rachel Fuhrman). I just made up that pick up line. I'm awesome. I can totally see Daniel Wentzel using that line. Danny, I'll let you use it but I'm going to charge you a usage fee of $.10 every time you use it. It's copyrighted, because I said it is. Seriously, it is. Look at the law.

So we're starting a new flexible working hours schedule next week in the operations department at work. Basically all it means is that on Tuesday and Wednesday I can work from 8-5 instead of 8:30-5:30. I like it. I will enjoy getting off earlier those days. It will give me more time to work on my concept album called "Songs about Becca" It's a compliation of songs dedicated to all the many appealing qualities you possess, like your sense of humor, jet black hair, shifting ethnicity, and your irrational love of coffee and irrational need to get me to love coffee (that one's gonna be my first number one hit).

You+Me+Being The Tonight Show Hosts=ENTERTAINMENT!

I should paint my nails more. And I should paint them bright neon colors, because it's cool.

I'm going to go karaoking this weekend with Mama G and other family while we're up at the family reunion. Believe it or not, this will be the first time I've gone out to karaoke. I'm excited. I think I'll sing "Alone" by Heart. Or a veggie tales song, which will be hard since I don't know any Veggie Tales songs. #notallowedtojudgeme

I'm obsessed with Parks and Recreation now. Wait, let me resend that statement and replace it with this one: I am obsessed with watching the Ben/Leslie relationship unfold on Parks and Recretation. The show itself is only 'ight.

My goal is to make this the longest post EVER!

The character of Chris on Parks and Rec reminds me of me. He says literally a lot, like me. He literally says literally in every sentence. Literally...literally.

There's secretly a tiny part of me that wishes my future husband and mine love story begins by us being in love with each other but we're not allowed to be together because of some rule or someone else's jealousy so we had to keep our relationship hidden. Television just makes it sound so romantic. I'm sure it sucks in real life and never works, but a girl can dream right?

This weekend is Memorial Weekend. Did you know Memorial Day is my favorite holiday? You probably didn't since it's not. We both know April Fools' Day is my favorite holiday. Yes, it's a holiday.

Megan and I spent half an hour at work today watching geese outside our office window and making up conversations for them. #typicalfriday.

Here is my schedule for tonight, since I know you're interested:

5:37 - Arrive at my apartment
5:41 - Eat dinner
6:00 - Open the door for Mama G as she will be stopping by.
6:15 - Shut the door in Alissa's face as she will also be stopping by and it would be funny and shows that I am in the position of authority.
6:29 - Run around the apartment complex yelling "THE SLOVICS ARE COMING, THE SLOVICS ARE COMING!!!!"
6:44 - Have Mama G bail me out of jail after being thrown in jail for causing public alarm.
7:01 - Ride a unicorn
7:03 - Ride a UNICON
7:30 - Personal Training session
8:01 - Early death caused by extreme personal training session
8:22 - Come back to life as an evil zombie with red eyes that shoot fire.
8:23 - Start making my way towards Indianapolis.

Okay that's LITERALLY all I have left to say.

I'm coming for you,

Madame Noodle Poodle