Becca,

Thanks for posting what I sent you. I don't know why it won't let me post at work. Probably because work is LAME!!!!

That is all for now.

Luna

Becca,

My initial analysis of that dream. You shouldn't be eating spicy nacho cheese right before you go to bed. Also, lay off the booze.

I can honestly tell you that you are not going to literally sit on a baby and kill it when you baby sit tomorrow. You might be asking yourself how I can be so sure. That's because I'm psychic. See, I've been watching so much Psych lately that I have literally developed super human powers. Immediately after reading your post, I consulted the psychic realm for answers and a vision came to me of you NOT sitting on babies. Just make sure you don't accidentally poison them.

That last sentence probably didn't help much. Don't worry I was joking. Or was I? I was. Not. Kidding. Actually I'm serious. About joking.

I have never met someone with dreams as vivid and strange as you. Congratulations. Your certificiate is in the mail.

I'm taking Monday off and I have NO IDEA what to do? I'm super excited about it though. Suggestions on day off activities?

I found some clear and black jewels that I'm going to glue onto my white feather for Carrie's wedding. It's a moon and three stars. So I will have a feather hair piece with the Luna symbol on it. Because I'm awesome.

I wish I was rich enough to afford a smart phone. I think I would really like using one.

K, well I'm gonna go make some money so I can buy an iPhone,

Luna

Rachel. I am getting on this ghost blog because I need to tell you about the dream I had. I woke up PANICKED. Tell me what you think.

Okay, so first of all, I was dating one of our friends. Well, I think he was trying to date me. We were snuggling, so let's hope dream Becca is wholesome enough to have some commitment first. You know, my subconscious is kind of a playa. I mean, I'm really making my way around the group. Anyway, not the point. We were at some place, I don't know where, and this man left his two premature twin infants there. So I pick them up and took them home with me and call the guy to let him know how irresponsible he had been and that he could pick them up at my house. So I take care of them. I pet them, I hush them, and I carry them everywhere with me. They are very small (being premies, duh), so I protect them from everyone, even my supposed male counterpart. Then, the guy arrives to pick them up, and suddenly I realize... I accidentally sat on them. I don't know how it happened, but I out of nowhere I am getting up off the couch, and the babies are underneath me. What?! So I pick them up, panicking, and see that one of them is still breathing; he is fine. THE OTHER ONE IS NOT. I stroke his little baby face, and nothing happens. And... he's also shaped like an octopus. Not that he is an octopus, but he is an octopus-shaped human. And he's dead!!! The father is furious, I am going crazy, and then I wake up.

Rachel, I literally BABY. SAT. I babysat a child to death. I am supposed to babysit tomorrow... is this a sign?! Am I going to kill one of them?!?!?????

LET ME KNOW.

Becca

test post... THIS BETTER WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D Rizzle? Where does the D come from? Also, D Rizzle was the nickname of my high school American government teacher. Dennis Rissler. D Rizzle, or R Digglet. He was a crowd favorite.

That was a long post. We really have been lacking on our postage. And by postage, I mean number and frequency of blog posts, not the costly adhesive paper required by the United States Postal Service. I hope Sarah liked it. And by Sarah, I mean Megan.

So at the wedding last weekend, besides almost passing out, throwing up, and falling over several times, I also reaffirmed my LOVE for Michael Buble. I’m glad you mentioned him. His voice is like delicious, delicious butter. And ohhhh how I love butter. Readers, just fyi, I did not get married. But if being a bridesmaid was any indication, when I do… it’s going to be disastrous. Oh also, when I got my hair done, the lady was horrified by my bangs. She was all, “Did you… cut these… yourself?” “Yes,” I said, “in a fit of bitter rage.” “Oh… well… let me just fix them up a bit for you….” I’m not complaining. Got a free touch-up.

I’m glad I’m not alone in having really weird dreams. I told you about the one I was a male soap opera star right? I’m not gonna lie… I was attractive. I bet I would have made a good looking man. But anyway, I feel not so alone when you also have strange night visions (I didn’t want to use “dreams” again). I also feel not so alone when I go to la casa Gomez. Mainly because Carrie’s brother Stephen also has wide, creepy eyes, but also because they’re a big family of culture-lovin weirdos. Know what I missed last week? Family yodeling night.

You know what I realized last week when I went to visit my friend and her new baby during lunch? There is really NO good TV on during the day. Nothing! Except for shows on USA, of course, but if you only have basic cable? You’re FORCED to watch either soap operas or Spanish cooking shows. Obv, I choose the Spanish cooking shows. But really, can you blame housewives and stay-home moms who get addicted to soaps? It’s not their fault! IT’S A CONSPIRACY.

So I assume you saw my tweet about dying. Because I literally thought I was. I think I got food poisoning… FROM CHEESE. Can you believe it?!?!?! I mean, it’s my own fault for eating moldy cheese (I got the mold off first), but still. I have never felt so betrayed by anything in my entire life. Not even when Canada rejected me. And you know how I feel about Canada.

I’ve been eating really poorly this week because I only have a few dollars to last me until my next payday. I really want to do something about this… America is OBSESE and UNHEALTHY because cheap foods SUCK. It’s so dumb.

So I've completed my coffee-personality theory. I think it's really good. The way you take your coffee corresponds to specific personality traits. As you drink yours with lots of cream and sugar, it means you are talkative, open and honest, a little quirky, and even a little naive. No offense on that last part. This is a science. I can't apologize.

Thank you so much for that list of your favorite foods. I already knew most of them, but it’s helpful. Here’s a list of my favorite foods:

1) Food.

I’m not hard to please.

These are the Ds of our Ls
Playa Riviera (my pimp name)

Also, WELCOME to our newest follower Megan!!!!!!!!! We are excited to have you join us on our epic journey chalk (chock? I doubt the word is actually chalk) full of adventure, laughter, tears, jokes, the occasional snide remark, and most definitely frequent references to Psych. We hope you enjoy!

Playa,

Just to clarify, I meant the Spanish word for beach, not the Ebonics word for player or a gentleman who is very good at attracting multiple women at the same time.

So before you get all huffy and puffy about me not blogging in FOREVER, you should know the I TRIED to blog last week but it wouldn't let me! Scouts' honor. And I was in girl scouts for a year SO THAT COUNTS BECCA! Also, you should know that I spent many MANY hours yesterday typing up the perfect blog in a word document so I could copy and paste it here when I was done. But now the stupid blog won't let me paste it. GET IT TOGETHER GOGGLE BLOGGER!!!!!!!!

I just drank a cup of coffee (in my word document I put couple instead of cup) and now my whole body feels 5 degrees warmer. Is that natural? Whatever it is, it's not cool on a 90 degree day. I just realized my play on words with the cool thing. Sometimes I'm more witty, or wittier as I'd say, than I realize. But then I realize it, so that moment doesn't last very long.

I have decided that Riley has the coolest job EVER and I'm incredibly jealous. We need to start a business that's cooler. Just sayin'

Here is a list of my favorite foods:

1) crackers

2) sweet potatoes

3) chicken

4) Famous Dave's

5) Margaritas

6) nachos

7) Snickers

8) crickets

9) mangoes

10) pie (any kind)

Which one do you think I wasn't serious about?

Riley got to shoot (shot in word document) 3 different guns today, including a full automatic M16. ALL CAPS CANNOT ACCURATELY DESCRIBE THE AMOUNT OF JEALOUSY MY HEART IS HOLDING ON TO RIGHT NOW!

This is a list of reasons I like lists:

1) they are organized

2) they are easy to read

3) they help summarize what I'm trying to say

4) they are an effective way to list facts

5) they make it fun to finish a task by allowing me to cross something out

6) they help me remember what all I have to do

7) you can use fun looking bullet points!

8) they are clear and concise, just like me except the exact opposite

9) they break up the monotony of paragraphs

10) they help me with my counting

I cooked a lot this week. I'm talking mini pizzas, sweet potatoes, AND marinated chicken in the crock pot. I have enough food in my fridge to last 2 weeks now! Oh the single life. I also dried out some basil in my oven and I have to tell you Becca, IT MADE MY APARTMENT SMELL SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOODDD!! I need to do that more often.

i had a dream the other night that we were being attacked by fighter pilors from a foreign invader. I'm assuming it was Latvia with their devilish ways. It was very scary. i sincerely and honestly hope we never get attacked on our home soil. Although with the way warfare technology is progressing, it wouldn't surprise me if that happened sooner rather than later. Therefore, I have already begun make preparations. Every night I spend 49.2 mintues digging out a bunker in the woods by my apartment building. I plan on making it 3,00 square feet under there. Just because there's a foreign incasion and I have to live underground doesn't mean I have to be cramped. I also have ordered $300,000 worth of freeze dried food. That should last me about 3 weeks, then it's cannibalism time. I am having someone make a custom-made gas mask so that it doesn't smush my perfectly shaped nose. I'm also having it take the poisonout gas and turn it into fresh air that smells like a spring time meadow. Bobby is giving me 3 lessons a week in the art of martial so I can properly defend myself against either the Latvians (known for their ninja-like qualities) or aliens. And I have begun building anti-aircraft guns to protect myself. SO as you can see, I am well prepared for any type of invasion, unless they attack us with super robots that have impenetrable metal frames and can dig. Then I'm screwed.

I went to an Indians game with my family on Sunday. They lost. And I heard someone say they were surprised they lost because they had been playing pretty good so far this season. THAT'S THE LASY TIME I GO TO A SPORTING EVENT BECAUSE I AM CLEARLY A BAD LUCK CHARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I haven't attended a winning sporting event for at least 5 years. The only good thing to come of this is that K Joe Timm and I hashed up this fool-proof plan where we'd go to games together and I'd root for a team and he'd bet against them knowing that the meer fact that I'm rooting for them means they'll lose. We're going to be BILLIONAIRES!

I forgot what I was going to type.

I think it's time for another list.

If I had a celebrity dinner party, this is who I'd invite:

1) Jay Leno (he's funny and seems like a good guy)

2) Michael Buble (to sing to me)

3) Jimmy Fallon (because he's funny and would entertain us all)

4) Justin Timberlake (because you can't have Jimmy without Justin)

5) Ellen Degeneres (because of her awesomeness)

6) Hilary Duff (because I'm pretty sure if we knew each other, we'd be best friends)

7) Taylor Swift (so I can give her dating advice)

8) Oprah (I'm pretty sure it's against the law to have a celebrity party and NOT invite her)

9) Harry Potter (you know why)

10) Morgan Freeman (to narrate the evening)

I wore make up yesterday in an attempt to draw attention away from the massive zit on my chin. I have acne. So much. Almost as much as I hate tadpoles that won't let me catch them and keep them forever as (at in the word document) companions.

And now I want donut holes.

Off To See The Wizard,

D Rizzle

Rahcle,

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes!!!! Have you ever noticed how inappropriate that song becomes if you replace “hands” with “legs”? I just did, when I accidentally sang it.

Well now that’s out of my head, and Beyonce is back. I’ve never been a big fan of Beyonce, but this song pleases me greatly. I just appreciate her voice. I am thankful, however, that her work led to the creation of this:

It gets me every time.

So I’ve been being accidentally racist a lot. First, it was the burqa/ninja confusion. Then, I was talking about Danli and her jet lag, and I accidentally called her Jet Li. Plus, I’m worried the broad array of Asian paraphernalia on and around my desk might be offensive to our summer associates of Asian heritage. I hope they know I sincerely admire their culture and wish I could be swimming in it all day every day.

Due to extended time with my coworkers, I am now super into jokes. I have so many to tell you. I’ll go ahead and tell you one right now. Okay so there are three men stranded on a desert island, and they find a magical lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie comes out and says to them, “Hey guys, I will grant you each one wish, so choose carefully.” The men become very excited to have happened upon such luck. The first man says, “I wish I was off this island!” So the genie grants his wish and he disappears. The second man says, “I wish I was home with my family.” So the genie grants his wish and he goes home. Finally it’s the last man’s turn, and he says, “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back.”

One of my workies and I occupy our free time by challenging each other with anagrams. Here are some to improve your mental prowess:

STOREY
BALLOG
GORRI
IRONIG
MEENY

So as you know, I watched Benny & Joon last night. Quality film. I love the 90s. Joon does funny things, like wear a helmet in the car, or drinking smoothies with self-contained underwater breathing apparatus equipment. At one point, she mentions that she doesn’t like raisins because really they’re just humiliated grapes.

Danli refuses to see another Harry Potter movie until someone assassinates Daniel Radcliffe. Kitty cat, there’s your next job. I wouldn’t mind if he goes. He refused to wear green contacts, and for that I can never forgive him. Plus, he got all naked on stage, which I also dislike.

Outta heyah,
bECCA

Rachel?

I hope you know you posted your post, as well as the forwarded email… of your post. Double duty my friend.

So the LivingSocial deal for day is a discount on two murder mystery dinner tickets. I thought you would like that. And I would consider buying them if you would come visit to use them… and if they’re not too expensive. Let me check.

Yeah you're not worth that much.

So here’s my dream from last night. I was driving Kirsten Corbin around Oxford. She needed food, so I took her to Bob Evan’s. When we got there, I spotted the entire cast of Law & Order SVU (I’ve never even seen that show) ordering to-go from the downstairs window. Because apparently Bob Evan’s was two stories and had a window. So, I go down the stairs and spot Adam Baldwin. He goes to his car, and I follow him, thinking, “hey I’m SO going to charm him with my witty banter.” But once I get there, he rolls down the window and I start chewing him out about something! I think I was nervous. But then he like rolls his eyes, pulls up his shirt, and goes, “There, are you satisfied? Is that what you wanted?” Thinking all I wanted was to see his abs! I was SO OFFENDED. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I see someone loitering in the parking lot. It’s Regis Philbin. “Hey Reg!” I yell, and wave. He gives me a brief glance, waves, and turns around. He looks really nervous. I come to the conclusion a drug deal is about to go down. Adam’s shirt is still up, and he drops a cheese fry. I awaken.

Weird, huh?

Here are my responses to your last post:
• If I want Famous Dave’s, I can just drive down the street.
• All jerky NASTY. Although I used to like jerky. Just one day I decided it was gross and haven’t eaten it since.
• I sold my trumpet. That’s a lie, my MOM sold my trumpet. But that’s okay, I never really liked it. I should’ve played another instrument, but I was nervous and had to choose quickly, and I knew it would make my mom happy as she was trumpeter extraordinaire in high school. Plus, I couldn’t play a woodwind because the thought of that wooden thing vibrating on my teeth freaks me out to this day.
• Losing your hair… maybe you have alopecia. Like Kaitlin Cooper’s horse on the OC. It was tragic. No girl should have a hairless horse.

Speaking of horses, at the stables last night, I completely immersed myself in the love of kittens. I now ADORE kittens. Can’t say too much about cats, but kittens are the bees’ knees. They cuddled with me, they played with me, they danced with me. They meowed at me when they weren’t getting attention, and I smothered them with affection. They tried to eat my bracelet and they climbed up my back using their bare claws. Pure joy. But anyway, as I was leaving, I saw one of them (the bracelet eater) eating something else on the ground. As I approached, fear exploded in my heart as I realized it was a splayed and ripped open chipmunk. I immediately started trying to reconcile it in my mind – the cuteness of the kitten with this brutal behavior. “They’re barn cats,” I thought. “This is their nature; they don’t know any better! I bet these people don’t feed them well so they have to do SOMETHING to survive.” But then when I got up close, I realized it was just a piece of fried chicken.

I’m so glad it’s Friday. And I’m so glad Rebecca Black is finally off everyone’s radar. Did you know radar is actually an acronym? It’s stands for RAdio Detection And Ranging. Here are some other acronyms you may or may not be aware of. Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Light Amplification by the Stimulated Emission of Radiation. National Association of Securities Dealers Automated Quotations. National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing. Répondez S'il Vous Plaît. I learned all this from Sporcle.

I miss my nacho husband. Sadly, I forget his name.

You’re welcome for being awesome,
Becca

Becca Lakalakalakalaka Redo,

I hope you appreciate the extreme amount of work I had to go through to make this post possible. All I can say is it involved slaying a dragon, hitch hiking through Detroit, outsmarting a Smarty Pants, waiting in line for a burrito, fighting an ogre, and the loss of 2 of my appendages (I’ll let you figure out which ones, here’s a hint, it’s my right pinky and nose).



I will not have coffee today. And by today I mean yesterday since this post took FOREVER to post. And by coffee I mean mainly sweet flavored creamer with a hint of coffee. And by hint of coffee I mean I DROWN the coffee flavor in creamer so I don't even taste it anymore. I'm so glad creamer exists. I bought some Chocolate Raspberry creamer at Walmart the other night. I made coffee the next day just so I could try it. It was pretty good. I knew I would either love it or hate it. Turns out I love it.



My stomach feels weird. Probably shouldn't have eaten that squirrel while it was still alive.



Jake and Amir is my new favorite obsession. Inappropriate at times? Yes. Funny? ALWAYS!



I really am quite alarmed at the rate my hair falls out. I'm fairly concerned that I will have to buy a wig soon. Kinda like Hannah Montana, only for a COMPLETELY different reason. Maybe I should take this opportunity to create an alter-ego (no, that looks wrong, but I think you know what I mean), you know, like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce and Bill O'Riley's Epic Extreme. So who should I be? I'm thinking Luna.



Ohio lost the battle of best states for businesses to Indiana BUT WE WILL WIN THE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I think you should go on vacation with my mid September up to our cabin in wisconsin. Forget your family. Okay, that sounded harsh. Temporarily set your DNA bonds aside and spend some quality time with good ol crazy Luna. Think about it. Just you, me, some bears, and hopefully cute lumberjacks, alone in the woods for a week. Nothing can be heard except for the soft pulses of waves hitting the shore line, and the louds booms of skateboarders at the camp next door. God's beauty will surround us, along with hundreds of mosquitoes, possibly a wolf or two. Oh, and FAMOUS DAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do believe no further convincing will be needed.



Salmon jerky. That sounds weird. I kinda want to try it. Time to take a poll: Salmon jerky Nasty? Or Potentially Not Nasty?



I have an idea for a series of funny Youtube videos I want to film but I'm NOT GONNA TELL YOU!!! That way it will be a surprise because I think I remember you telling me once that you love surprises more than anything in the entire world. Except Koala bears. Nothing can be more loved than Koala Bears.



I like nuts. But I think that's because I can relate to them so well.



All of a sudden I have a strong longing for The N. Remember The N? That wonderful Canadian television station with tv show gems like Degrassi and Instant Star.



So I have orchestra rehearsal tonight for the Reynoldsburg Fourth of July fireworks. See, this year because of budget cuts, the city can’t ACTUALLY shoot off REAL fireworks so instead they just bought a bunch of sparklers and are going to light them and have the varsity baseball team throw them up in the air while the community orchestra uses their instruments to make fireworks sound effects. I’m playing the timpani. I’m actually playing my flute. Which I haven’t played in AT LEAST a year. SO I’m pretty rusty. But I do enjoy playing in the orchestra. I forgot how much I miss concert band sometimes. I think one of these days you should whip out your trumpet and I’ll bring my flute and we make sweet sweet music together. We could be like Guns N Roses only with flute and trumpet.



But seriously, the music is SUPER HARD! And I haven’t gotten to practice that much. But I’m going to practice as much as possible the next two days so I can actually play every now and then at the concert. #dedication





You know what would be cool? To be British. And to be able to fly. You could be a flying Brit. Like Prince William, only without the plane.



I'm wearing an ankle brace but it doesn't seem to be helping much, my wrist still hurts.



STOP PLAYING WITH MY HAIR! That was more directed towards me than you.



Okay I'm over this post.



Peace Out Suckas!

Luna







----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Rachel Fuhrman
To: Rachel Fuhrman
Sent: Wed, June 29, 2011 11:08:07 AM
Subject:


Becca Lakalakalakalaka Redo,

I will not have coffee today. And by coffee I mean mainly sweet flavored creamer with a hint of coffee. And by hint of coffee I mean I DROWN the coffee flavor in creamer so I don't even taste it anymore. I'm so glad creamer exists. I bought some Chocolate Raspberry creamer at Walmart the other night. I made coffee the next day just so I could try it. It was pretty good. I knew I would either love it or hate it. Turns out I love it.

My stomach feels weird. Probably shouldn't have eaten that squirrel while it was still alive.

Jake and Amir is my new favorite obsession. Inappropriate at times, yes. Funny? ALWAYS!

I really am quite alarmed at the rate my hair falls out. I'm fairly concerned that I will have to buy a wig soon. Kinda like Hannah Montana, only for a COMPLETELY different reason. Maybe I should take this opportunity to create an alter-ego (no, that looks wrong, but I think you know what I mean), you know, like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce and Bill O'Riley's Epic Extreme. So who should I be? I'm thinking Luna.

Ohio lost the battle of best states for businesses to Indiana BUT WE WILL WIN THE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you should go on vacation with my mid September up to our cabin in wisconsin. Forget your family. Okay, that sounded harsh. Temporarily set your DNA bonds aside and spend some quality time with good ol crazy Luna. Think about it. Just you, me, some bears, and hopefully cute lumberjacks, alone in the woods for a week. Nothing can be heard except for the soft pulses of waves hitting the shore line, and the louds booms of skateboarders at the camp next door. God's beauty will surround us, along with hundreds of mosquitoes, possibly a wolf or two. Oh, and FAMOUS DAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do believe no further convincing will be needed.

Salmon jerky. That sounds weird. I kinda want to try it. Time to take a poll: Salmon jerky Nasty? Or Potentially Not Nasty?

I have an idea for a series of funny Youtube videos I want to film but I'm NOT GONNA TELL YOU!!! That way it will be a surprise because I think I remember you telling me once that you love surprises more than anything in the entire world. Except Koala bears. Nothing can be more loved than Koala Bears.

I like nuts. But I think that's because I can relate to them so well.

All of a sudden I have a strong longing for The N. Remember The N? That wonderful Canadian television station with tv show gems like Degrassi and Instant Star.

You know what would be cool? To be British. And to be able to fly. You could be a flying Brit. Like Prince William, only without the plane.

I'm wearing an ankle brace but it doesn't seem to be helping much, my wrist still hurts.

STOP PLAYING WITH MY HAIR! That was more directed towards me than you.

Okay I'm over this post.

Peace Out Suckas!
Luna

Dearest Loserface,

I slept through my alarm this morning. Luckily our staff meeting started late. Also luckily, it was the most amusing staff meeting we’ve ever had. All jokes, all the time. That’s how I like it. We usually have a devotional, but we didn’t today because Chris said he was too busy to put something together. Know what he did last night when he was sooo busy? Watched two hours of America’s Got Talent. What a man. I also learned that someone donated $40 million dollars to one of the hospitals we work with, and they’re changing their name to name it after him. I think I might do that… I’m trying to decide which has a better ring to it – Becca University or the Becca Christian Legal Clinic? Maybe both.

There’s a song in my head that I learned in 5th grade music class. Want to hear it? Okay.
Pleeeaaaase pleeeeaaase don’t cut down the treeeeeeees
They look so prettyyyyy swaaaaying in the breeeeeeeze
To saaave the eaaarth we hooold the keeeys
so pleeeeaaase don’t cut dooown the treeeeeees!

You’re welcome.

So on the way to work, I was listening to NPR and heard they captured America’s most notorious gangster. I thought to myself…. Rachel? But no. It’s Whitey Bulger. Who, I’m not gonna lie, I’d never heard of. But it’s quite the interesting story! He apparently was an FBI source, giving them info to help them eliminate the mafia in Boston, but he was actually using them to eliminate his competition, all the while continuing his criminal activity. He turned a bunch of agents, including his handler, who tipped him off when he was about to be arrested finally. He’s been on the lam for 16 years, and has been on the 10 most wanted list that whole time for trafficking, money laundering, racketeering, and 19 counts of murder. ANYWAY. They caught him yesterday. After posting a TV announcement with a picture of his girlfriend the day before. It took ONE day. Why didn’t they think of that before???? I’m so fascinated by this. I’m going to read his Wiki page now. NOT THAT I ADMIRE CRIMINALS, READERS WHO ARE IN THE GOVERNMENT (Riley). Techncially, I am a government employee myself. In a really lame way.

So, the JK Rowling announcement was such a disappointment. It was BOTH of the things I was hoping it wouldn’t be…. ebooks and a website. Really? Come on. Don’t build up so much anticipation just to let me down. It’s like I’m on the bachelor in the final two, and I think he’s going to propose, and then BAM I’m dumped. That’s what it feels like, JK. Gahhhh. She has no regard for my feelings AT ALL.

Here’s more about Whitey. Told you I would read his Wiki page. He was in Alcatraz… that’s intense. He was supposed to be in prison for 25 years, but got out after 9 because he volunteered to be a test subject for a CIA mind-control drug study. After that he went back to Boston and became an enforcer for the Killeen gang after gang war started when Killeen’s brother bit off his rival’s nose. And look at this! It’s just like the movies -- "One day while the gang war was still going on, Jimmy was driving down Seventh Street in South Boston when he saw Paulie (Paul McGonagle) driving toward him. Jimmy pulled up beside him, window to window, nose to nose, and called his name. As Paulie looked over, Jimmy shot him right between the eyes. Only at that moment, just as he pulled the trigger, Jimmy realized it wasn't Paulie. It was Donald, the most likable of the McGonagle brothers, the only one who wasn't involved in anything. Jimmy drove straight to William ‘Billy’ Sullivan’s house on Savin Hill Avenue and told O'Sullivan, who was at the stove cooking, 'I shot the wrong one. I shot Donald.' Billy looked up from the stove and said, 'Don't worry about it. He wasn't healthy anyway. He smoked. He would have gotten lung cancer. How do you want your pork chops?'" Jimmy is Whitey, fyi. His name was James. Then Whitey realized he was on the losing side of the gang war, so he went to the other side and told them he would help them win by taking out the Killeens himself. Shortly after Killeen was gunned down. Then he worked for the Winter Hill gang, and that’s when he started informing the FBI and getting his competition arrested so he could take over. Man, I should really work for them… the FBI, not the gang. OR….

Let’s start a gang. A love gang.

Here’s something I saw on Groupon today. You will like it.


Also, my childhood portrait, in case you didn't see it when I tweeted it, since I am a monster tweeter.


This is too long, and far too criminally detailed.
Becca

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalph,

I can’t stop sneezing, and I’m getting a sore throat in the mornings. I hope this is allergies and not a cold, but either way… it sucks. I may have to start taking vitamin c drops and drinking lots of tea, just in case. I don’t want anything to get in the way of Beccachel weekend.

There’s a fire starting in my heart.

I’m reading about the IU girl who went missing in Bloomington a few days ago. It’s been getting a lot of press. I’m wondering why… people go missing every day. She is cute and very small though; I wonder if that enhances people’s affections for her. Is media coverage inversely proportional to size? Because in this article, they say that a purse found between her apartment complex and another complex did not belong to her, but rather to the victim of an unrelated homicide. Another girl was killed?! Why isn’t that getting any press, hmm? Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray this girl’s okay, but the media can be really stupid.

I over-accessorized today. I need to cut back. I will quitar my headband and flower. I’m also wearing a shirt that The Nana bought me. I don’t think I’ve worn it before… I’m pretty sure she got in from the maternity department. I don’t blame her; they always have cute stuff. But I look preggo in it. Reminds me of the time I pretended to be pregnant to get a good parking spot at the grocery store. Not my proudest moment. My pregnant coworker is always hungry, so she just got back from McDonald’s with a chicken sandwich and fries. It smells like heaven, if heaven were a fast food conglomerate. Which it probably won’t be, but who’s to say?

Remember Phil of the Future? Speaking of Disney, let’s go. Also speaking of Disney, I don’t like Selena’s new song. I love her, and I love the Biebs, but if that song is about Nick… well. Let’s just say I have my loyalties. (Side note: look at how ridiculous this is -- http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/06/09/fans-hate-selena-gomez-justin-bieber-relationship/)

The entire staff is in a meeting right now about employee evals and some other stuff that doesn’t apply to me. I like that I can sit here and blog while they’re all suffering the intake of extremely boring information.

Here are my demands for Beccachel weekend 2011:
1. Zoo, duh
2. coffee, duh
3. you to make me a mixed drink I’ve never tried before
4. air conditioning… at least a little
5. a baby elephant stolen from the zoo
6. a game of robot twister
7. dressing up as superheroes and walking around downtown
8. karaoke
9. coloring/painting time (on your walls)
10. kickboxing lesson
11. dance party
12. choreograph a dance to make kjotim really uncomfortable
13. play with becca’s hair time
14. feed becca grapes time
15. 20 minutes of smiling at each other

I’ll work on more when I get the chance.

I’m itching my head right now,
Becca

Anything But Ordinary,

Two blogs. That's how many you can get in before I notice. Two.

I myself have a new found appreciation for the zoo. I hadn't gone to the zoo in YEARS and was perfectly fine with that because I never had a strong desire. Then I found out Columbus has the best zoo in the country and NOW I MUST GO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Favorite animal at the zoo: Penguin. They just seem like they'd be a lot of fun to hang out with.

So you know what I have been complimented on a surprising amount lately? My eyebrows. Yes, you read that correctly, and I'm not joking for once in my life. Several people have commented on how good my eyebrows look. To which I pridefully reply "I was blessed with natural arches."

A storm is rolling in. Every time it storms now I think of you and how scared you must have been 3 hours earlier.

So Megan and I are convinced that my boss is secretly a ninja because we will see him in his office and LITERALLY 4 seconds later when we go to talk to him, HE'S GONE! And we'll look around the entire office and never find him. IT'S LIKE HE DISAPPEARS INTO THIN AIR! #ninjaboss

Dakota Fanning graduated high school. She plans on going to NYU. I always thought young Dakota might turn out to be one of those intelligent child actors that ends up going to college and getting educated. Go her.

I also love the small things in life. I feel like you and I are cut of the same cloth in this aspect because I also tend to notice little things that make me smile. Example: Once I was in a dressing room trying on clothes and there was a woman and her young daughter in the stall next to mine. The little girl said "Mom, I think you should get the dress that looks best on you. Actually, I think you shouldn't get any and save your money so you can take me to Disney World." Wait a minute, was that little girl really you reincarnated!?!?!

Other small things in life that make me joyful:
1) seeing the sun rays burst through the clouds
2) watching squirrels play with each other
3) witness a child's excitment
4) hearing someone play piano
5) being told a belly-laugh worthy joke
6) the feel on my face when I first lay down on my pillow at night to go to bed.

I have an open wound on my elbow that WILL NOT HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear it has a stubborn mind of it's own and has a mission in life to constantly cause me pain by NEVER GOING AWAY! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why oh why does my body hate me? I think it's because I've been depriving it of crackers and this is its way of getting back at me for not feeding it such a necessity. And Neosporin has been failing me. I've been lathering it on like it's going out of style but the wound is still there! I thought Neosporin or however you spell it was supposed to be some kind of miracle medicine that made all boo boos magically disappear. Childhood fantasies destroyed. I bet now you're wondering how I got this horrendous battle wound aren't you? Well, let me tell you Becca, LET ME TELL YOU!!!

I was walking through a meadow one day after work picking daisies and making daisy chains to wear on my head when all of a sudden the sky went black. WEIRDEST THING EVER (right after Kim Kardashian as a singer of course)! I looked up at the dark sea of clouds and to my horrow I saw what is possible the most scary thing on the face of this planet decending. Lady Gaga. She has horns and spikes and other odd things protruding from her person and her make up was so thick a clown that was also in the meadow ran in horror. All of a sudden, a thunderous voice came from this mythical being. It said "LUNNNNNNAAAAAAAAA! I have come to challenge you to a duel of the utmost physical difficulty. If you win, I will agree to make my next music video no where near as disgusting and inappropriate as I normally do. If I win, I GET YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I asked her what the duel entailed and she said "We will face off against each other in a battle of strength and endurance. See those piles of logs over there?" "Yeh" I replied. "Whoever chops all their logs first wins the duel!" Being the cocky person I am I accepted such an easy challenge. At the sound of the whoopi cushion, we began. We were both chopping with such speed and intensity and fury that you could barely see our hands moving. All you could see was splinters of wood flying everywhere. I, of course, won the duel because of my bulging muscles I now possess. Lady Gaga didn't even have a chance. She was about to sign over the directing rights to her next video when she went crazy, like she always does, and starting flinging her ax around haphazardly. Unfortunately, in all the commotion she managed to knick me right in the elbow barely taking off the first layer of skin. I promptly gave her a swift roundhouse kick and knocked her down. Needless to say, my wound is worth it if Lady Gaga gets put in her place.

Actually, I got it doing a side plank.

So you like how I've spent half of this post so far talking about my oozing wound. And how you have the image of an oozing wound stuck in your head. You are welcome.

I am SUPER DEE-DUPER excited about the Beccachel Weekend Extravaganza! (there's a lot of a's in that word) And just so you know, if you honestly don't think Lola can make the trip, I don't mind driving to see you. I have started compiling a list of super fun activities for us to do during our weekend:

-ZOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Kickboxing lesson
-Cake Wars Competition
-Sporcle
-Somehow prank K Joe Timm
-Goon someone
-We should probably visit Mama G at some point...
-Try on Prom Dresses
-Go Dragon Hunting
-Practice casting spells
-Watch Tangled
-Get tangled in Christmas lights
-Build a rollar coaster
-Ride a rollar coaster
-Adopt a Highway
-Film an action movie
-Write a book about dark matter
-Memorize the Swedish Royal family line

It's gonna be EPIC!!!! Just like your future son's name. Epic Butter. Haha, that's funny now that I see it. I wonder what epic butter would taste like? Sweet or Spicy? I'd go with Spicy. Definitely not salty. Yeh, I'm thinking spicy.

This might acutally turn out to be my longest post ever.

Maybe not.

Who knows.

I don't.

Sk8er Boi,
Luna

Rachel,

I wonder how many posts I can get in before you notice that I've posted. It's a social experiment. I am SUCH a fan of real live experiments. I hope someone one day gets me a science kit for my birthday. I would have SO MUCH FUN.

I kind of wish I was a doctor so I could do Doctors Without Borders. But for Jesus. Doctors With Jesus But Without Borders. DWJBWB.

I was reminiscing a bit ago about my high school days when I tried to be a rocker chick. I think I did it to fit in with my friends, but eventually came to like some of the stuff I pretended to like. I look back with disgust, however, on my stringy hair and black purses with chains and junk. But all the while, I had my secret pop music on the side... Lillix, Aly&AJ, BBMak!!! B to the B to the Mak. Which reminds me of that one episode of Even Stevens with the lucky penny. Which reminds me of that noise the Louis makes. Which reminds me of EXTREME LAUGHTER.

I'm pretty sure my boss is currently high on Vicodin.

So I love the small things in life. You know the little things that you could tone out, but if you pay attention they make life a lot more fun and interesting? Case in point -- when I went to see Bridesmaids. I could've sat there and watched the movie in silent horror. But the lady a couple seats down from me (9-year-old's mom) was REALLY into it. So when something awkward happened, I cringed and covered my eyes, but she goes, "UHHH UHHH!!!! Oh no she didn't!" Throughout the entire movie. And then she took 9-year-old to the bathroom or something, and they were gone for a while so I thought that they had left, but then from the corner of the theater I hear "HUHHH UHHHH!!" It made me and Jesus chuckle all the way home.

I tried to socialize with a group of children outside. They just stared at me. It was awkward. I hope it's not a window into my future interactions with my own children. The Butters children.

I want to watch Tangled. Can we watch on Beccachel weekend?

Welp see ya later.
Becca

You,

Get your blog on.

I was really tired on my drive back from the NWO yesterday, so I woke myself up with 1) a Starbucks pit stop, and 2) MY AWESOME MIX CDS from back in the day. Man I have good taste. You know which song I really looooved both in high school and yesterday? Avril's "Things I'll Never Say". That's right! It's just sooo truuueeeeeee! I will sing it for you.

I'm tugging at my hair, I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool, I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet, my cheeks are turning red
Just trying to find the words inside my head
Cause I'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect
But I know you're worth it, you're worth it, yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night (Becca side note -- in a NOT improper way)
Am I squeezing you too tight (Becca side note -- HAND)
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee (Becca side note -- after an appropriate amount of time)
Marry me today (Becca side note -- "today" is not literal)
Yes, I'm wishing my life awaaaaayyyy
With these things I'll never say

Doesn't that speak to the girl inside you?! Our mindsets are so fascinating. I will sing it to you when I visit. Or you visit. But probably I visit. Speaking of, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ZOO I LOVE ZOOS SO MUCH IT'S RIDICULOUS AND IF I COULD GET MARRIED IN A ZOO I WOULD.

I'm just waiting for lunchtime to get here. This morning is going really slow. Like, REALLY slow. Really slow. Slow for real. Truly. I just want to eat ravioli and watch TV instead of sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I tell ya, I can't wait for this job to be over. Not that it's a bad place to work; it's great... I'm just ready for something different.

I really want a vacation. I haven't had a real vacation in years. Not like time off from work, but going somewhere. I really REALLY want to go to the beach. Key West, in particular. I never want to go to the beach, but for some reason that's all I've been thinking about. Well that and San Francisco, LA, Hawaii, Valencia, Paris, Munich, Hungary, China, and EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD WHERE I AM NOT. DISNEY WORLDDDDDDDDDD!

If I could say what I want to say,
Becca

P.S. I'd say I want to blow you away. Or OUT OF THE WATER.
P.P.S. I'm feeling intense. I need to release some of this pent up energy. AT THE ZOO. OR THE BEACH.

Rocky,

My new name for you is Rocky. I've secretly (and not-so-secretly) called you Fuhrer for years now, but I have decided that it too controversial and highly offensive. Plus, Eric said it means "leader", and you are not my leader. Hugh Jackman is. (JK Jesus, not a funny joke.) Rocky works though for the following reasons: 1) It's a nickname for Raquel, which is your Spanish name, and 2) You are a hardcore physical threat, like the late and great Sly Stalone. Who is neither late nor that great. He is pretty epic though.

Remember the Rosie O'Donnell Show?

You know, the more I get on this blog, the more I like the robots. Sometimes I can't get over what good taste I have. Lolz I love being humble.

I wish you could have been here too, but it's good that you went to your family reunion slash emu party. Those things are pretty legit. I wish my family had them so that I could actually SEE and, dare I say, GET TO KNOW my relatives. Karaoke was probably good practice for you too, for when we start frequenting karaoke bars together. Our staples will be "Don't Stop Believin", "Dynamite", and "Build Me Up Buttercup". Plus any and all Clay Aiken songs.

I can't get over what a good photographer my friend is -- http://ktcrabbphotography.com/blog/

I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES SAYING HEYYY OHHH GOTTA LET GOOOOO
I WANT TO CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE SINGING HEYYY OHHHH BABY LET'S GOO
WE GONNA ROCK THIS CLUB
WE GON GO ALL NIGHT
WE GON LIGHT IT UP
LIKE IT'S DYNAMITE

(I'm loling thinking about singing this song with the ferocious intensity that caps lock denotes.)

I am absolutely head over heels for your Psych-a-Deli idea. Did you come up with that yourself? There's nothing better than a fresh chicken salad sandwich topped with a generous dollop of justice. I think we should go forward with this idea. There are a lot of details to work out though. Such as, do customers have to buy a sandwich in order to get a meeting with us? Which will be the business front -- the deli or the PI office? Or will it be like a half-and-half kind of deal? Can a deli gift card be used for our investigative services as well? Will we serve corned beef?

I can't wait for you to be my children's crazy aunt. You should probably teach them pranks, as I will be pranking them from the time they're born. They'll need all the outside help they can get.

Sorry you're hot. Sara's dad keeps their house very cold, so I've been pleasantly chill. Except for when I walk outside, which for some reason happens a lot. And yesterday, when I left the house she works at, I opened the door to go outside and I LITERALLY THOUGHT I HAD WALKED ONTO THE SURFACE OF THE SUN. I could not see or breathe or feel anything but vicious, vicious fire burning over my body. I hope no one ever sets me on fire. That would be a sad way to die.

Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place... THE SUN?

Turns out I'm a merciless frisbee player. And I love reading Fiji updates.

Becca out.

Ebcca,

I'm feeling slightyl today dislexic. So bear with em.

I wish I could've been there this weekend. Stupid famliy reuninon. Well, it's not stuipd. I enjoyed greatly myself. I sang karaoke (no, I spelled that one right, it just naturally looks that wierd). That was the firts time I've ever done that. It was exhilirating. I sang "Livin' On A Boat." Wait, that's wrong. Livin' On A Dream? Livin' On A Potato Diet? Livin' On a Prayer. No, it's none of those. I don't remememememeber.

I also sang "Alone" by Lung, or some other vital body organ. Is there a non-vital body organ? I'd like to know which organ that has a purpose in our body can be taken out without any consequences what so ever. Besides the brain. Seems to me like they're all vital. BAM!

I hope you had fnu this weekend though. I bet it was nice to see (those e's are backwards, in case you couldn't tell) everyone. GOSH DARN IT I WISH I COULD"VE GONE!

Okay I really feel like God is scraeming at me to start a P.I. firm with you. let's do it. We can call it Psych-a-Deli. We'll solve criems and run a deli shop at the same time. AWESMOE!

In regards to the copyright thing, I don't know HOW I'd prove it but I do know that's the law. That pick up line is now mine. Guys every where now have to ask my permission to say it. I'm not jkoing. Look up copyright law. I researched it for my songwriting so I could protect my property that comes from my intelligence.

It was hot this weekend. I actually had to give in and turn my air on. But I've decided that I want don't to do that anymore so I can save more money for clothes since I haven't gone fun shoppnig in months. So I say, BRING IT ON SUMMER! BRING IT ON! Together Becca, we cna defeat the heat wave of injustice summer brings.

Also, I like that you said arse.

Megan left work at 3 today to go see her little neice be born. I'm so excited to be an aunt. And by that I mean I'm exicted for you to have children so I can teach them hwo to prank you and drive you insane. You'd better believe ducks will eb involved. I'm excited for her though. We're both gonna have baby fever now. Did you know that scared I'm of holding babies because I'm afraid I'll break them? That would amke me feel pretty crappy if I broke a baby.

I was in a workout video yesterday. 6 videos actually. I felt like Jillian Michaels. Would like you see one? I thought you'd say yes. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v15f560Pp-E

Now you know how to work out.

BTW, I came up with the cure for cancer this weekend. You're welcome world.

Rahcel

P.S. Here's a list of my favorite animals:

1. Cheetah (legit)
2. Mammoth
3. T-Rex
4. Mouse
5. Kinkajou
6. stink beetle
7. Koala bear (totally legit)
8. hermit crab


S.P.P You butt dialed me. I should've known it was too good to be true when I saw you were calling me instead of texting me. I figured you were either butt dialing me, or someone had kidnapped you and were calling me to tell me that I had to pay the randsom or else they'd tickle you to death. Apparently these imaginary kidnappers didn't know I am about as poor as a slug. Wait, no, everyone knows slugs are the middle class of the animal family. I meant poor as a moth.

Neither Spayed Nor Neutered,

Here are my comments on your last post:
- well done.
- you spelled Slavic wrong. and aight. aight?
- i think the phantom vibrate thing's an actual condition. I always think I hear my phone beep and start frantically looking around like a maniac. Speaking of all things frantic, at the stable last night this horse was freaking out and kept giving me the crazy eye. And I mean the CRAZIEST eye. I will recreate it for you sometime.
- muncie really is kind of a party town #ballstate
- my hair is NOT jet black!
- i really liked the "shifting ethnicities" line.
- how can you prove that you copywrited (copywrote?) that line, and not another Rachel Fuhrman? You should be more specific.

I am sad I will not see you this weekend. Since you have not answered any of my inquiries about whether or not you're coming (#avoider) and mentioned briefly something about a family reunion (#avoider) I'm going to guess you will be at a family reunion. Or something. Too bad.

You know, back to the copywriting topic, you could probably make a ton of money if you did that ALL the time. I am thinking of the movie Made of Honor, starring Patrick Dempsey's hair, and in the movie his character invented the slip thingy that goes on coffee cups. He got ten cents or something for EVERY one of them that was used, and you cannot find a cup of coffee without one. He was a wealthy man, Rachel, for doing ONE little thing. Now you? You can do many things. MANY THINGS. Then I can be your trophee friend for the rest of my life.

Pirates 4 comes out this weekend. I normally wouldn't pay to go see it in theaters, but I think I am going with the Riley and her clan. Plus... I have an unhealthy sense of adoration for Captain Jack Sparrow. Have you heard of the movie Bridesmaids? I don't have cable, so I don't know anything about it (no commercials to see) but my friend went and saw it and said she cried it was so funny. I also heard that Hangover 2 was horrendous. I also heard that giant shrimp used to rule the ocean.

Did you read my tweet about my dream? That I attended a seminar on how to raise nerdy children? I must clarify. It wasn't how to handle your nerdy children; it was how to make sure that your children are nerds. #nerdlover

It's going to be hot this weekend/next week. Prepare yourself. The summer challenge is upon us. I hope he talked to winter and found out how tough I am and backs off a bit because if not... I'm going to have to kick his sun-scorching arse.

I've been watching Chuck all afternoon. It gives me hope that I, an ordinary citizen, could one day become a highly valuable asset to the federal government -- nay, the world. I will be ready when I receive their call.

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart,
Elephant Girl

P.S. Here is a list of my favorite animals, for future reference (dogs and birds are too typical/broad to include here):
1. Turtle
2. Elephant
3. Beluga whale
4. Red panda
5. Aye aye (look it up)

Torn Sleeves McGee,

That coffee did weird things to my body. I'm all shaky now, and slightly naeseous, seeing double, I can't see the color blue or things that are glittery, and I'm pretty sure I'm growing a third arm from my knee. I'm never drinking coffee again. NEVER! On the plus side, my hair smells like the ocean breeze. If you're wondering what ocean breeze smells like, it smells like my hair.

I decided to stop drinking the coffee, but keep it sitting on my desk because despite my feelings of disgust toward the drink, I do love the smell of it. Plus, I feel like a true businesswoman with a cup of coffee on my desk.

Every time I get a papercut I mutter a statement of fake hate for Austin J. Hilmer. I don't actually know if his middle name starts with J, it just seemed to fit. I wouldn't be surprised if his middle is James though. Or Jamar. Jaundice? Probably not. But you never know.

I'm listening to the new A Fine Frenzy CD. It's not that new. It came out a few months ago, but it's their most recent CD and it's new to me. It's good, but I like their first CD better. No Ashes and Wine calibur songs on this album.

I'm so used to keeping my phone in my pocket and feeling it vibrate that now when it's not in my pocket, my hip literally vibrates making me think someone just texted me. Extreme phantom vibrations.

I got a Joni Mitchell CD from the library because it seems like a lot of female artists list her as an inspiration. She's good, but I don't like her music that well. It seems like in every song she's playing a game called "See how many words I can fit into two measures of music." Strange to listen to. But I guess she's original and talented, so I can maybe see why she's a role model for so many female artists.

I think if I had quadruplets I'd tell people I had two sets of twins, just to be different.

I read on article on Yahoo! this morning about people who have made money off their blogs. When will that happen to us? If anyone out there reading this would like to pay us to blog more we would gladly accept such an offer. As long as it came with corn muffins from Famous Dave's. #stringsattached

The word mustache just came into my head. I don't know why. Maybe I am secretly attracted to them, or sub-conciously wish I had one. I hope the latter is the true one. I think I could totally rock a mustache.

Last night at small group, our name game was to say your name and what you would spend $1 million dollars on if you won it. And you couldn't give it away to a good cause. You could only say what you'd do with it for youself. I said I would buy my best friend Becca all the dresses she wants from Modcloth. And I'd take her to Hardee's. Actually I said I'd buy $1 million worth of crackers. But what I REALLY said was that I'd buy a black Steinway grand piano (my dream purchase) and other musical equipment and spend the rest traveling. First place I'd go to: Muncie, Indiana. #partycityusa

I think I'm going to have to dump out my coffee. The smell is bringing back bad memories of drinking it.

Now that I'm looking at it, this is shaping up to be an extremely long post. Oh well, it should keep you entertained for at least 5 minutes.

I can't wait until I've saved up enough money to buy Kate Voegele's new CD. I know you don't like her but I LOVE her and am excited to hear her new music. She's my Joni Mitchell. Her Joni Mitchell is Joni Mitchell. That's actually why I got the Joni Mitchell CD.

If looks could kill you'd be a murderer (copyright 2011 Rachel Fuhrman). I just made up that pick up line. I'm awesome. I can totally see Daniel Wentzel using that line. Danny, I'll let you use it but I'm going to charge you a usage fee of $.10 every time you use it. It's copyrighted, because I said it is. Seriously, it is. Look at the law.

So we're starting a new flexible working hours schedule next week in the operations department at work. Basically all it means is that on Tuesday and Wednesday I can work from 8-5 instead of 8:30-5:30. I like it. I will enjoy getting off earlier those days. It will give me more time to work on my concept album called "Songs about Becca" It's a compliation of songs dedicated to all the many appealing qualities you possess, like your sense of humor, jet black hair, shifting ethnicity, and your irrational love of coffee and irrational need to get me to love coffee (that one's gonna be my first number one hit).

You+Me+Being The Tonight Show Hosts=ENTERTAINMENT!

I should paint my nails more. And I should paint them bright neon colors, because it's cool.

I'm going to go karaoking this weekend with Mama G and other family while we're up at the family reunion. Believe it or not, this will be the first time I've gone out to karaoke. I'm excited. I think I'll sing "Alone" by Heart. Or a veggie tales song, which will be hard since I don't know any Veggie Tales songs. #notallowedtojudgeme

I'm obsessed with Parks and Recreation now. Wait, let me resend that statement and replace it with this one: I am obsessed with watching the Ben/Leslie relationship unfold on Parks and Recretation. The show itself is only 'ight.

My goal is to make this the longest post EVER!

The character of Chris on Parks and Rec reminds me of me. He says literally a lot, like me. He literally says literally in every sentence. Literally...literally.

There's secretly a tiny part of me that wishes my future husband and mine love story begins by us being in love with each other but we're not allowed to be together because of some rule or someone else's jealousy so we had to keep our relationship hidden. Television just makes it sound so romantic. I'm sure it sucks in real life and never works, but a girl can dream right?

This weekend is Memorial Weekend. Did you know Memorial Day is my favorite holiday? You probably didn't since it's not. We both know April Fools' Day is my favorite holiday. Yes, it's a holiday.

Megan and I spent half an hour at work today watching geese outside our office window and making up conversations for them. #typicalfriday.

Here is my schedule for tonight, since I know you're interested:

5:37 - Arrive at my apartment
5:41 - Eat dinner
6:00 - Open the door for Mama G as she will be stopping by.
6:15 - Shut the door in Alissa's face as she will also be stopping by and it would be funny and shows that I am in the position of authority.
6:29 - Run around the apartment complex yelling "THE SLOVICS ARE COMING, THE SLOVICS ARE COMING!!!!"
6:44 - Have Mama G bail me out of jail after being thrown in jail for causing public alarm.
7:01 - Ride a unicorn
7:03 - Ride a UNICON
7:30 - Personal Training session
8:01 - Early death caused by extreme personal training session
8:22 - Come back to life as an evil zombie with red eyes that shoot fire.
8:23 - Start making my way towards Indianapolis.

Okay that's LITERALLY all I have left to say.

I'm coming for you,

Madame Noodle Poodle

Rachelle,

We had to re-stock our brochures at locations across the city, so I helped stuff envelopes with them yesterday. The amount of paper cuts I have blows my mind #whateveraustin

Speaking of Austin, he’s in California. So that’s cool.

So I was on the Amy Day 2011 event page, and I noticed something. Eric is the only male coming. Now, he’s Eric, so he’s probably fine with that. But I’m Becca, and my empathy extends to even nonexistent awkwardness. So I hope more men come. Otherwise, I’m going to feel extremely uncomfortable.

Your powerlessness against coffee is pathetic. You are stronger than your dislike of the taste, Rachel. And if you tried enough, pretty soon you would be as powerless as me. IN A DELICIOUS AND WONDERFUL WAY.

Mama Lang and The Nana (AND GINGER!!!!!!!!!!) came on Tuesday. They cleaned my entire apartment and bought us groceries and made delicious chicken & dumplings and bought me a steak dinner. That’s how you woo a girl, Rachel. Anyway… oh hey you just texted me about Famous Dave’s. The steak house they took me to is right by Famous Dave’s. #fastestserviceever Anyway x2, I felt bad because of the horrendous storms they had to suffer through during their visit. Not very fun. Mama and I took Ginger and went to hide in our neighbors’ house since they’re storm whisperers and they have a basement. The Nana refused to come. She just hid in our closet, which is truly no protection at all. What a stubborn woman. Ginger was TERRIFIED though. Shook like a leaf the entire time, and then when she thought that my mother was leaving, she tried to scratch my face off in an attempt to follow her. They have an unhealthy bond. BUT as mentioned, and as confirmed by my father who watched radar all day, the storms got to Zionsville and then miraculously parted around us. JUST LIKE THE RED SEA RACHEL. God is mighty awesome. Mighty awesome!!!! And extra cool because while we were fine, Findlay (where they would have been obv) had a tornado. Coincidence? I think not.

They also bought me a chicken biscuit from Chik-fil-A. I changed my mind. THAT is how you woo a girl.

This Nicaraguan coffee is extraordinary.

I can’t wait for today to be over. Then I have a long weekend! Yesssss! Ra ra sis boom bah. That’s a cheerleader thing, right?

I celebrated a goat’s birthday yesterday. Ahh the treasures you experience working at a barn.

Boots n cats,
Becca

Becca of Zionsville,

I just baked some corn bread. I ate some batter. Then ate two big pieces when it was done baking. Lots of calories. But totally worth it. IT'S DELICIOUS! I'm glad I decided to make it.

I'm watching Psych again. I think I need to get help.

Went to small group tonight. It was good. Ran into a heard of land seahorses on the way there. They were playing rugby. I stopped and watched for 5 minutes. It was interested. I rooted for the red team, or as they call themselves, the Sea Devils.

Shoot, it's almost 10:30. I need to go to bed so I can wake up and jog tomorrow morning.

This was a really short blog.

Sorry

Move to Columbus.

Rachel of Reynoldsburg.

Becca,

I hope this post is finding you alive after the storms you dealt with last night. I'm guessing you won't be done for being my business parttner in my tornado chasing business.

I can't make a long post. I had kickboxing class tonight and it's already after 10 and I still need to take a shower soooooo yeh.

I can literally smell myself. I must really stink. The fact that it's super hot and humid in my apartment probably doesn't help either. I refuse to turn my air on unless it's at least 95 degrees in here. I need to save money for my dancing monkey website I'm going to create. They're going to dance to Ke$ha songs.

I'm getting some guns. And by guns I mean muscle in my arms. Nice.

I have my computer hooked up to my TV so I can see my desktop on my 32 inch TV. It makes blogging to you 3.587 times for exciting. I'm going to use my computer like this all the time.

I kinda want to watch The Princess Bride now. #bestmovieever

I'm watching Psych right now. But then again I'm always watching Psych. I honestly don't think I'll ever get tired of it. I just wish I could figure out how to watch season 5. Netflix only has seasons 1 through 4 on watch instantly. I'm on my third time around.

Okay, it's time to shower. My wonderful, comfortable bed is calling my name.

I'll try and post again later this week.

Adios
Luna

Well Rachel. Speaking of blogging, I actually do feel like doing it.

I hate mosquitoes. You know this. I think they are Satan’s henchmen, and they lurk with their barely visible bodies, taunting you with their hovering capabilities, attacking when you least expect it, so light that you can’t even feel them, and they SUCK YOUR BLOOD STRAIGHT OUT OF YOUR BODY. And then, they’re gone before you see them. But they make you know they were there. Ohooo do they make sure. Like a serial killer leaves behind his signature to take credit for the kill (i.e., yin yang killer), they leave their mark. The infamous and dreaded mosquito bite. You have this ugly red blotch on your body for days that itches so much you want to die, and every time you look at yourself, you remember the silent attack that you couldn’t even see, let alone fend off. Then to top it all off, you get malaria. How does one minute creature cause so much upheaval?!?! Anyway, I got work today and had eight mosquito bites on my legs and feet. Feet, Rachel. Do you know the physical and psychological pain this causes me? WHERE WERE THEY? All I can do is sit here and think about where my enemies were hiding before they ravaged my body with their evil suckers. WHERE ARE THE MOSQUITOES?!?!? Are they in my apartment? My bed? My shower? Can I go home in safety this evening or do I have to be in full-on combat mode? I NEED TO KNOWWWWW.

Look at all those caps. I read an article today in the Times about how using all caps and excess periods in blogging is a distinctly white thing to do. You know, like I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER or i.love.justin.bieber. Hashtags are more black, according to this one supposedly expert dude. They have even transitioned into rap music. Which is actually quite fascinating.

My workie got feathers put in her hair at the salon. You know how that’s in. Fake feathers that they somehow weave into your hair that last a few weeks and look delightfully boho chic. Then she told me about her friends that put real feathers in their hair. “Real feathers?” I ask, “Like from a real bird?” “Well,” she says, “do you remember that road kill story?” RACHEL. These people took feathers off a piece of road kill and put them in their hair!!!!! I think they might have eaten the road kill too… apparently they’re real hippie types who live off the land. I saw an episode of Dirty Jobs once about the guy whose job it is to collect road kill off the roads. He then takes it to some hicksville (hi Danny) roadside joint where they make it into stew. Whatevs, if the meat is fresh…

Speaking of Danny, he texted me. He got a job. What a delight. I wished unemployment on him, but apparently it didn’t work. I just wanted him to come to Amy Day 2011…. are you coming. ARE YOU COMING?????

I am over halfway done with season 2 of Buffy. I had myself quite a little marathon this weekend. Angel’s character is so deep and provocative… DB, you are such a star. A star! DB is, of course, David Boreanaz.

I’ve discovered when I listen to latin music in the car, I try to salsa while I drive. It might be dangerous.

Be praying for Joplin, MO. What a tragedy. Makes me think of Sodom and Gomorrah. I wonder what was going on there that made God wipe it out… that, of course, is just a train of thought.

I will have an Asian baby.

Bye!
Becca

P.S. Changed the look of the blog. Hope you don't mind.

Dear Rachel,

I'm not feeling particularly humorous or creative today. I'm in more of a cold sarcastic kind of mood. So please forgive whatever you may find boring or offensive in what is to follow these introductory words.

I will take you up on your offer to get a blog tattoo. I also request approval privileges for the final design. And I request that you pay for my bird tattoo.

Jie just got on Skype. I'm going to talk to her. Because 1) I love her, and 2) She's in China. It's cool to talk to someone across the world.

I am very cold. This weather is upsetting me. Perhaps it has influenced my mood. Curse it. I wonder if hell is figuratively hot because it seems appropriate to me that extremes of temperature in both directions would be present in a situation of eternal suffering.

I would like to go visit Austin again. Perhaps this summer. Want to go?

It took me three visits to the Verizon store, but I finally got a new phone. Well, it's the same phone, just another one of them. The second visit to the store, I had to wait a long time (while my guacamole went bad in the car sad face), and I amused myself by playing Angry Birds on a tablet. I now want a tablet. Or a kindle or an iphone. I want something that would allow me to whip my bible out, anytime, anywhere. It would be a powerful Jesus juking tool.

I'm so cold.

I wish there was a job that allowed me to be a professional Wikipedier. Wikipedia reader. Wikier. Wikipedestrian. I could read Wiki pages all the live long day. Today it was Albuquerque, NM; Alburquerque, Spain; and Route 66. I learn so much. I also recently read up on the three major cities of the Netherlands. Would you like to know about them? Rotterdam is where money is earned, The Hague is where it's divided, and Amsterdam is where it's spent. Or, rather, Rotterdam is for working, The Hague is for living, and Amsterdam is for partying. See? I'm ready for Dutch citizenship.

I wouldn't mind Dutch citizenship.

I made a plan for how my children will become multi-lingual. I've got Spanish down, of course (though it slips away bit by bit each day, taking a piece of my heart with it), so I will teach them that. Then I will learn French, Portuguese, Italian, Mandarin, and Korean. My hubs will learn German, Russian, Arabic, Hindi, Japanese, and Klingon. That way they will be prepared for our increasingly global and possibly intergalactic society.

Cold,
Becca

Becca,

Here’s a super long post to make up for the bagillion I’ve missed the past couple weeks.

Please don’t hate me. Please please PLEASE don’t hate me. I know I have been the most awful friend in the entire history of the world because I haven’t blogged in 20 days. 20 DAYS!!!! That’s almost as long at World War 1. Ridiculous. I actually feel really bad about it. See, the thing is, I have the worst memory in the world. So I get home every night, have a million things to do, and then I forget to blog to you. That will change though. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably. Not.
Is it weird that I like to look at my scars because it makes me feel more intense, like I got them in some battle fighting ancient Chinese ninjas? Speaking of ninjas, I had kickboxing class last night and we did a lot of kicking. I have to admit, I like kicking things. And I honestly don’t mean that in my usual too-violent sense. I actually enjoy kicking the pads (not real people of course). Maybe it’s because I’m good at it. But I actually think it’s because it’s not something I would normally do, a little out of my character. It gives my boring life a little spice. It’s the oregano of my life.

So on my Yahoo! Homepage, one of the things trending now is “Zombie ants.” That’s weird enough in its own right. But at first glance I thought it said Zombie Pants. I’d wear those.

I have made a discovery about myself. Would you like to know what it is? I bet you would. I’ll go ahead and tell you. I am good at injuring myself. I don’t like to injure myself, I just so happen to be good at it. In the past 3 and a half months I’ve had two pulled hamstrings, a pulled quad, an injured knee, and a hurt shoulder. The shoulder is the one that’s bothering me now. I need to figure out what I’m doing to hurt myself and STOP DOING IT! Or else I might literally fall apart.

Look at this nugget of beautifulness from the Beth Moore bible study I’m going through right now: “I think heaven will be heaven because He will be there, but He thinks it will be heaven because you will be there.” This makes me smile and feel all warm and gooey inside. Not sure what I mean by gooey, but I think you catch my drift. Although I’m thinking gooey might be a fairly accurate description of my organs.

Big news in my life: I’M MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right people. I’m moving out of my parents house and into my very own apartment THIS SATURDAY!!! Becca, I’m am seriously no joke SO EXCITED! I can’t contain myself. Literally. My gooey insides are coming out. Okay, that was gross and I instantly regretted typing that, but I’m too lazy to backspace. I can’t wait to have my own place to decorate and what not and just relax in. Although I think I’m living right above some kids, so that will be interesting. AHHHH I CAN”T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING! I feel so grown up. It’s weird. You know what I’ll like most about it? Only being 5 minutes from work. I can leave at 8:15 and still get there 10 minutes early. Plus I can go home during lunch and take a 45 minute nap in my own bed! We both know how much I love naps. This is gonna be great. AND I heard that gas prices are going to keep falling til June so you know what that means… you might be able to come visit me in June! Score!

I just got an email from an employee asking a bunch of hard, complicated, and time consuming questions. I’m gonna ignore it for now. I am on my lunch break after all. That’s the bad thing about staying at my desk for lunch, I inevitably end up doing some kind of work since people don’t realize I’m not doing work.
My small group went to the ghetto on Wednesday evening instead of having our normal group meeting on Thursday to go around and visit several homeless camps in the downtown Columbus area to visit with people and give them food and stuff. It was kinda fun. I mean, I didn’t have a blast doing it, but it felt like the right thing to do. Serving God’s people for God’s glory. I don’t do enough of that and God’s been convicting me a little about it so I was happy for this opportunity.

Hmmmmm, I think that’s all the major updates in my life. Bobby and I aren’t dating anymore, but we’re still good friends and that’s been going well. Better than I thought actually. Thank you Jesus for showing me You’re all I need to feel better.

Alas, I leave you with a list of ways I will make up my blogging absence to you:
1) Buy you a dozen dozens of roses
2) Buy you a drank
3) Send a singing telegram to you
4) Write a song and perform it on national television. I’m thinking The Colbert Report will be a good venue.
5) Tweet my apologies
6) Figure out how to genetically modify a horse to become a unicorn and then give it to you as a pet.
7) Name a star after you.
8) Name a lily pad in a pond after you
9) Get a tattoo reminding me to blog
10) Make a scrapbook for you with all my “I’m Sorry” faces (182 total)
11) Let you stay at my apartment for free the first time you come visit me.
12) Name my first born after you, provided that you legally change your name to Darcy.


Hopefully that makes up for my lack of blogging. I promise I’ll be better from now on. Gentle reminders in the evening always help. Key word being GENTLE! I don’t respond well to threats. And by don’t respond will I mean they cause me to rip other people’s hair out (because mine is too soft to rip out, and I like how it feels brushing against my arm).

I think God forgot to change His calendar to May. #wherearethemayflowers
Luna

I will never stop loving Jimmy Fallon.

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/neil-young-and-bruce-springsteen-whip-my-hair-111610/1260532/

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/silent-library-part-1-32411/1315995/
http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/silent-library-part-2-32411/1315969/

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/name-that-guy-part-1-33111/1317223/?__cid=thefilter

Rachel,

If I had a baby tonight, I would name it RAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. But is that setting my child up for suicide? I don't want that song to be prophetic.

Speaking of prophetic, I had a prophetic dream in which I prophesied Rachael's new dress. Ask her. ASK HER.

I am glancing at your last blog post. It's from last Wednesday. My bad on the lapse. But I see that you wrote about rain. IT HAS NOT STOPPED SINCE THEN.

My nails are getting too long to type, but it's such a hassle to cut them. So I won't.

So this morning I get in my car, and the first thing I hear on the radio is about the devastating storms in St. Louis. So I'm like AUSTIN!!!!!!! And text him to make sure he's alive. Then right after I do so, they say that no one was killed or injured. Then I get to the office and find out that the storms happened days ago. What a waste of emotion.

I napped today. You know what a big deal this is, as I loathe naps. It is basically SKIPPING LIFE. I have been needing a lot of sleep though. It's possible that I am fighting off illness, as I have been surrounded by snot-tastic people. Gotta keep my immune system strong. (Knock on wood) I haven't been sick since I lived with YOU. Maybe there's something to that...

I love Modern Family.

I ate dinner tonight because you shamed me into it. I didn't want to though because I had the most INTENSE CUPCAKE OF MY LIFE. I got some for my sister from a bakery because 1) It's her golden birthday, 2) Someone told me they're the best cupcakes in town, and 3) I always want a cupcake. It had like mile-high icing. It was GREAT, but it took its toll on me. I defeated the cupcake... but then it defeated me. I felt horrid. Maybe that's why I napped -- a powerful, powerful sugar coma.

I killed a cricket last summer. Sometimes I think about it and get really sad. Sometimes I cry.

God's taking "April showers" a little far,
Becca

Lang,

That's not why it rains. It rains because GOD IS CRYING! What did you do to upset him so much Becca? I think he's actually just sad because Cathrine Zeta-Jones is in rehab. Or because what's her face got voted off American Idol last week.

I've discovered that the last half hour of work is completely pointless for me. I am so unfocused that I never get anything done. I would say they should let me go home early, but then that half hour of unfocused non-work would just be earlier. It would be a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that would lead to me working 1 hour a day. I think I'd be okay with that vicious cycle.

It stormed bad here last night too. I didn't hear it though. I slept right through it. I am an expert sleeper though, we both know that. However, this morning Mama G told me that the tornado siren was going off last night. But I never heard the siren going off. Do you know what that means Becca my dear? I COULD'VE DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If there was a tornado I would never have known about it because I was catching Z's! It would have swept me up into its dark, black, abyss of hate and nightmares.

Now it's the next morning. How was your evening? Mine was good. Went to the gym. Then I baked some bread. FROM SCRATCH! Gotta practice for the bakery half of our coffeehouse slash bakery. It turned out okay. I am pleased.

That's all for now. I gotta pick Alissa up at the airport tonight at 11:00pm. That's late. So I'm going to take a nap when I get home from work. I miss naps. They were a good friend to me.

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz,
Rachel

Because, Rachel, water is evaporated from ocean and then blows over land and gets denser and denser until it is too heavy and just falls to the earth. We just got a big stream of dense air. It’s called SCIENCE. I actually don’t know if that’s how it works, but it makes sense to me. Speaking of rain, I am always really upset when I fly because I look at the fluffy clouds out the window and know that they do not feel like cotton candy. That’s one thing I wish adulthood hadn’t stolen from me.

I won’t be blogging much either. Chris decided to crack down on us hard. It’s illegal to whip employees, right?
I almost got Chinese today because I forgot my lunch. Then I didn’t want to pay for it.

I know ALL about benefits because I have had to stinking use mine so much. Vomitocious. And you know what YOU KNOW WHAT?! I got a fortune cookie near the end of last year saying that this year would be medically difficult for me!!! So maybe I prefer the non-fortunes, like “sever the ignorant doubt in your heart with the sword of self-knowledge”. Or whatever.

I decided that I am glad we don’t work in a skyscraper downtown because I wouldn’t want to be in one of those during a tornado. I grew up in tornado country, yes, but that doesn’t mean I WOULDN’T DESTROY EVERYONE IN MY PATH IN MY FRENZY TOWARD THE ELEVATORS. I don’t really know what kind of damage a tornado could do to a skyscraper though. Could it take it down? Thinking about this got me watching tornado videos on youtube. Which then got me watching funnel cake videos (funnel clouds --> funnel cakes). Which then got me watching fried coke videos. I discovered a vendor at the Indiana State Fair who sells fried coke – sorry, fried Coke – fried Oreos, fried candy bars, etc. I’m trying it all. But back to tornadoes. It reminds me of that dream I had a while back where my parents and I were at the top of a skyscraper and I saw a tornado coming, so we ran for the stairs. Then my mom’s legs stopped working, but my dad just ran away frantically, so I had to drag her down the stairs myself. But he ended up having a heart attack, so I guess we were even in the end.

Oh! Last night during the tornadoes, I grabbed all of my most prized possessions, which included the following: my quilt, my pillow, Tropical and Henry (my turtle), my computer, my Bible, and my tax forms BECAUSE I WILL NOT DO THOSE AGAIN. I returned with all of them, plus a bottle of gin.

I’m really enjoying my Sinatra Pandora station. This is probably my favorite type of music. I kind of want to move to New York just so I can frequent jazz clubs. There’s a bar downtown here that I want to go to. It’s technically a cigar/cocktail lounge, but I bet it’s the kind of scene I would enjoy. I’ve always known I was made for the Roaring 20s. I should start dressing as a flapper every day. It’s who I really am.

Speaking of tornadoes AND speaking of New York, I wouldn’t mind living there because then everyone else’s houses would stop the tornado before it got to mine. Pretty sure.

Let’s move to New York.

My boss just called me by my last name. I liked it. It makes me feel legit.

Totos,
Becca

P.S. That was supposed to say “Toots” but I like the way it turned out.