Dearest Loserface,

I slept through my alarm this morning. Luckily our staff meeting started late. Also luckily, it was the most amusing staff meeting we’ve ever had. All jokes, all the time. That’s how I like it. We usually have a devotional, but we didn’t today because Chris said he was too busy to put something together. Know what he did last night when he was sooo busy? Watched two hours of America’s Got Talent. What a man. I also learned that someone donated $40 million dollars to one of the hospitals we work with, and they’re changing their name to name it after him. I think I might do that… I’m trying to decide which has a better ring to it – Becca University or the Becca Christian Legal Clinic? Maybe both.

There’s a song in my head that I learned in 5th grade music class. Want to hear it? Okay.
Pleeeaaaase pleeeeaaase don’t cut down the treeeeeeees
They look so prettyyyyy swaaaaying in the breeeeeeeze
To saaave the eaaarth we hooold the keeeys
so pleeeeaaase don’t cut dooown the treeeeeees!

You’re welcome.

So on the way to work, I was listening to NPR and heard they captured America’s most notorious gangster. I thought to myself…. Rachel? But no. It’s Whitey Bulger. Who, I’m not gonna lie, I’d never heard of. But it’s quite the interesting story! He apparently was an FBI source, giving them info to help them eliminate the mafia in Boston, but he was actually using them to eliminate his competition, all the while continuing his criminal activity. He turned a bunch of agents, including his handler, who tipped him off when he was about to be arrested finally. He’s been on the lam for 16 years, and has been on the 10 most wanted list that whole time for trafficking, money laundering, racketeering, and 19 counts of murder. ANYWAY. They caught him yesterday. After posting a TV announcement with a picture of his girlfriend the day before. It took ONE day. Why didn’t they think of that before???? I’m so fascinated by this. I’m going to read his Wiki page now. NOT THAT I ADMIRE CRIMINALS, READERS WHO ARE IN THE GOVERNMENT (Riley). Techncially, I am a government employee myself. In a really lame way.

So, the JK Rowling announcement was such a disappointment. It was BOTH of the things I was hoping it wouldn’t be…. ebooks and a website. Really? Come on. Don’t build up so much anticipation just to let me down. It’s like I’m on the bachelor in the final two, and I think he’s going to propose, and then BAM I’m dumped. That’s what it feels like, JK. Gahhhh. She has no regard for my feelings AT ALL.

Here’s more about Whitey. Told you I would read his Wiki page. He was in Alcatraz… that’s intense. He was supposed to be in prison for 25 years, but got out after 9 because he volunteered to be a test subject for a CIA mind-control drug study. After that he went back to Boston and became an enforcer for the Killeen gang after gang war started when Killeen’s brother bit off his rival’s nose. And look at this! It’s just like the movies -- "One day while the gang war was still going on, Jimmy was driving down Seventh Street in South Boston when he saw Paulie (Paul McGonagle) driving toward him. Jimmy pulled up beside him, window to window, nose to nose, and called his name. As Paulie looked over, Jimmy shot him right between the eyes. Only at that moment, just as he pulled the trigger, Jimmy realized it wasn't Paulie. It was Donald, the most likable of the McGonagle brothers, the only one who wasn't involved in anything. Jimmy drove straight to William ‘Billy’ Sullivan’s house on Savin Hill Avenue and told O'Sullivan, who was at the stove cooking, 'I shot the wrong one. I shot Donald.' Billy looked up from the stove and said, 'Don't worry about it. He wasn't healthy anyway. He smoked. He would have gotten lung cancer. How do you want your pork chops?'" Jimmy is Whitey, fyi. His name was James. Then Whitey realized he was on the losing side of the gang war, so he went to the other side and told them he would help them win by taking out the Killeens himself. Shortly after Killeen was gunned down. Then he worked for the Winter Hill gang, and that’s when he started informing the FBI and getting his competition arrested so he could take over. Man, I should really work for them… the FBI, not the gang. OR….

Let’s start a gang. A love gang.

Here’s something I saw on Groupon today. You will like it.


Also, my childhood portrait, in case you didn't see it when I tweeted it, since I am a monster tweeter.


This is too long, and far too criminally detailed.
Becca

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalph,

I can’t stop sneezing, and I’m getting a sore throat in the mornings. I hope this is allergies and not a cold, but either way… it sucks. I may have to start taking vitamin c drops and drinking lots of tea, just in case. I don’t want anything to get in the way of Beccachel weekend.

There’s a fire starting in my heart.

I’m reading about the IU girl who went missing in Bloomington a few days ago. It’s been getting a lot of press. I’m wondering why… people go missing every day. She is cute and very small though; I wonder if that enhances people’s affections for her. Is media coverage inversely proportional to size? Because in this article, they say that a purse found between her apartment complex and another complex did not belong to her, but rather to the victim of an unrelated homicide. Another girl was killed?! Why isn’t that getting any press, hmm? Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray this girl’s okay, but the media can be really stupid.

I over-accessorized today. I need to cut back. I will quitar my headband and flower. I’m also wearing a shirt that The Nana bought me. I don’t think I’ve worn it before… I’m pretty sure she got in from the maternity department. I don’t blame her; they always have cute stuff. But I look preggo in it. Reminds me of the time I pretended to be pregnant to get a good parking spot at the grocery store. Not my proudest moment. My pregnant coworker is always hungry, so she just got back from McDonald’s with a chicken sandwich and fries. It smells like heaven, if heaven were a fast food conglomerate. Which it probably won’t be, but who’s to say?

Remember Phil of the Future? Speaking of Disney, let’s go. Also speaking of Disney, I don’t like Selena’s new song. I love her, and I love the Biebs, but if that song is about Nick… well. Let’s just say I have my loyalties. (Side note: look at how ridiculous this is -- http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/06/09/fans-hate-selena-gomez-justin-bieber-relationship/)

The entire staff is in a meeting right now about employee evals and some other stuff that doesn’t apply to me. I like that I can sit here and blog while they’re all suffering the intake of extremely boring information.

Here are my demands for Beccachel weekend 2011:
1. Zoo, duh
2. coffee, duh
3. you to make me a mixed drink I’ve never tried before
4. air conditioning… at least a little
5. a baby elephant stolen from the zoo
6. a game of robot twister
7. dressing up as superheroes and walking around downtown
8. karaoke
9. coloring/painting time (on your walls)
10. kickboxing lesson
11. dance party
12. choreograph a dance to make kjotim really uncomfortable
13. play with becca’s hair time
14. feed becca grapes time
15. 20 minutes of smiling at each other

I’ll work on more when I get the chance.

I’m itching my head right now,
Becca

Anything But Ordinary,

Two blogs. That's how many you can get in before I notice. Two.

I myself have a new found appreciation for the zoo. I hadn't gone to the zoo in YEARS and was perfectly fine with that because I never had a strong desire. Then I found out Columbus has the best zoo in the country and NOW I MUST GO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Favorite animal at the zoo: Penguin. They just seem like they'd be a lot of fun to hang out with.

So you know what I have been complimented on a surprising amount lately? My eyebrows. Yes, you read that correctly, and I'm not joking for once in my life. Several people have commented on how good my eyebrows look. To which I pridefully reply "I was blessed with natural arches."

A storm is rolling in. Every time it storms now I think of you and how scared you must have been 3 hours earlier.

So Megan and I are convinced that my boss is secretly a ninja because we will see him in his office and LITERALLY 4 seconds later when we go to talk to him, HE'S GONE! And we'll look around the entire office and never find him. IT'S LIKE HE DISAPPEARS INTO THIN AIR! #ninjaboss

Dakota Fanning graduated high school. She plans on going to NYU. I always thought young Dakota might turn out to be one of those intelligent child actors that ends up going to college and getting educated. Go her.

I also love the small things in life. I feel like you and I are cut of the same cloth in this aspect because I also tend to notice little things that make me smile. Example: Once I was in a dressing room trying on clothes and there was a woman and her young daughter in the stall next to mine. The little girl said "Mom, I think you should get the dress that looks best on you. Actually, I think you shouldn't get any and save your money so you can take me to Disney World." Wait a minute, was that little girl really you reincarnated!?!?!

Other small things in life that make me joyful:
1) seeing the sun rays burst through the clouds
2) watching squirrels play with each other
3) witness a child's excitment
4) hearing someone play piano
5) being told a belly-laugh worthy joke
6) the feel on my face when I first lay down on my pillow at night to go to bed.

I have an open wound on my elbow that WILL NOT HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear it has a stubborn mind of it's own and has a mission in life to constantly cause me pain by NEVER GOING AWAY! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why oh why does my body hate me? I think it's because I've been depriving it of crackers and this is its way of getting back at me for not feeding it such a necessity. And Neosporin has been failing me. I've been lathering it on like it's going out of style but the wound is still there! I thought Neosporin or however you spell it was supposed to be some kind of miracle medicine that made all boo boos magically disappear. Childhood fantasies destroyed. I bet now you're wondering how I got this horrendous battle wound aren't you? Well, let me tell you Becca, LET ME TELL YOU!!!

I was walking through a meadow one day after work picking daisies and making daisy chains to wear on my head when all of a sudden the sky went black. WEIRDEST THING EVER (right after Kim Kardashian as a singer of course)! I looked up at the dark sea of clouds and to my horrow I saw what is possible the most scary thing on the face of this planet decending. Lady Gaga. She has horns and spikes and other odd things protruding from her person and her make up was so thick a clown that was also in the meadow ran in horror. All of a sudden, a thunderous voice came from this mythical being. It said "LUNNNNNNAAAAAAAAA! I have come to challenge you to a duel of the utmost physical difficulty. If you win, I will agree to make my next music video no where near as disgusting and inappropriate as I normally do. If I win, I GET YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I asked her what the duel entailed and she said "We will face off against each other in a battle of strength and endurance. See those piles of logs over there?" "Yeh" I replied. "Whoever chops all their logs first wins the duel!" Being the cocky person I am I accepted such an easy challenge. At the sound of the whoopi cushion, we began. We were both chopping with such speed and intensity and fury that you could barely see our hands moving. All you could see was splinters of wood flying everywhere. I, of course, won the duel because of my bulging muscles I now possess. Lady Gaga didn't even have a chance. She was about to sign over the directing rights to her next video when she went crazy, like she always does, and starting flinging her ax around haphazardly. Unfortunately, in all the commotion she managed to knick me right in the elbow barely taking off the first layer of skin. I promptly gave her a swift roundhouse kick and knocked her down. Needless to say, my wound is worth it if Lady Gaga gets put in her place.

Actually, I got it doing a side plank.

So you like how I've spent half of this post so far talking about my oozing wound. And how you have the image of an oozing wound stuck in your head. You are welcome.

I am SUPER DEE-DUPER excited about the Beccachel Weekend Extravaganza! (there's a lot of a's in that word) And just so you know, if you honestly don't think Lola can make the trip, I don't mind driving to see you. I have started compiling a list of super fun activities for us to do during our weekend:

-ZOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Kickboxing lesson
-Cake Wars Competition
-Sporcle
-Somehow prank K Joe Timm
-Goon someone
-We should probably visit Mama G at some point...
-Try on Prom Dresses
-Go Dragon Hunting
-Practice casting spells
-Watch Tangled
-Get tangled in Christmas lights
-Build a rollar coaster
-Ride a rollar coaster
-Adopt a Highway
-Film an action movie
-Write a book about dark matter
-Memorize the Swedish Royal family line

It's gonna be EPIC!!!! Just like your future son's name. Epic Butter. Haha, that's funny now that I see it. I wonder what epic butter would taste like? Sweet or Spicy? I'd go with Spicy. Definitely not salty. Yeh, I'm thinking spicy.

This might acutally turn out to be my longest post ever.

Maybe not.

Who knows.

I don't.

Sk8er Boi,
Luna

Rachel,

I wonder how many posts I can get in before you notice that I've posted. It's a social experiment. I am SUCH a fan of real live experiments. I hope someone one day gets me a science kit for my birthday. I would have SO MUCH FUN.

I kind of wish I was a doctor so I could do Doctors Without Borders. But for Jesus. Doctors With Jesus But Without Borders. DWJBWB.

I was reminiscing a bit ago about my high school days when I tried to be a rocker chick. I think I did it to fit in with my friends, but eventually came to like some of the stuff I pretended to like. I look back with disgust, however, on my stringy hair and black purses with chains and junk. But all the while, I had my secret pop music on the side... Lillix, Aly&AJ, BBMak!!! B to the B to the Mak. Which reminds me of that one episode of Even Stevens with the lucky penny. Which reminds me of that noise the Louis makes. Which reminds me of EXTREME LAUGHTER.

I'm pretty sure my boss is currently high on Vicodin.

So I love the small things in life. You know the little things that you could tone out, but if you pay attention they make life a lot more fun and interesting? Case in point -- when I went to see Bridesmaids. I could've sat there and watched the movie in silent horror. But the lady a couple seats down from me (9-year-old's mom) was REALLY into it. So when something awkward happened, I cringed and covered my eyes, but she goes, "UHHH UHHH!!!! Oh no she didn't!" Throughout the entire movie. And then she took 9-year-old to the bathroom or something, and they were gone for a while so I thought that they had left, but then from the corner of the theater I hear "HUHHH UHHHH!!" It made me and Jesus chuckle all the way home.

I tried to socialize with a group of children outside. They just stared at me. It was awkward. I hope it's not a window into my future interactions with my own children. The Butters children.

I want to watch Tangled. Can we watch on Beccachel weekend?

Welp see ya later.
Becca

You,

Get your blog on.

I was really tired on my drive back from the NWO yesterday, so I woke myself up with 1) a Starbucks pit stop, and 2) MY AWESOME MIX CDS from back in the day. Man I have good taste. You know which song I really looooved both in high school and yesterday? Avril's "Things I'll Never Say". That's right! It's just sooo truuueeeeeee! I will sing it for you.

I'm tugging at my hair, I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool, I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet, my cheeks are turning red
Just trying to find the words inside my head
Cause I'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect
But I know you're worth it, you're worth it, yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night (Becca side note -- in a NOT improper way)
Am I squeezing you too tight (Becca side note -- HAND)
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee (Becca side note -- after an appropriate amount of time)
Marry me today (Becca side note -- "today" is not literal)
Yes, I'm wishing my life awaaaaayyyy
With these things I'll never say

Doesn't that speak to the girl inside you?! Our mindsets are so fascinating. I will sing it to you when I visit. Or you visit. But probably I visit. Speaking of, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ZOO I LOVE ZOOS SO MUCH IT'S RIDICULOUS AND IF I COULD GET MARRIED IN A ZOO I WOULD.

I'm just waiting for lunchtime to get here. This morning is going really slow. Like, REALLY slow. Really slow. Slow for real. Truly. I just want to eat ravioli and watch TV instead of sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I tell ya, I can't wait for this job to be over. Not that it's a bad place to work; it's great... I'm just ready for something different.

I really want a vacation. I haven't had a real vacation in years. Not like time off from work, but going somewhere. I really REALLY want to go to the beach. Key West, in particular. I never want to go to the beach, but for some reason that's all I've been thinking about. Well that and San Francisco, LA, Hawaii, Valencia, Paris, Munich, Hungary, China, and EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD WHERE I AM NOT. DISNEY WORLDDDDDDDDDD!

If I could say what I want to say,
Becca

P.S. I'd say I want to blow you away. Or OUT OF THE WATER.
P.P.S. I'm feeling intense. I need to release some of this pent up energy. AT THE ZOO. OR THE BEACH.

Rocky,

My new name for you is Rocky. I've secretly (and not-so-secretly) called you Fuhrer for years now, but I have decided that it too controversial and highly offensive. Plus, Eric said it means "leader", and you are not my leader. Hugh Jackman is. (JK Jesus, not a funny joke.) Rocky works though for the following reasons: 1) It's a nickname for Raquel, which is your Spanish name, and 2) You are a hardcore physical threat, like the late and great Sly Stalone. Who is neither late nor that great. He is pretty epic though.

Remember the Rosie O'Donnell Show?

You know, the more I get on this blog, the more I like the robots. Sometimes I can't get over what good taste I have. Lolz I love being humble.

I wish you could have been here too, but it's good that you went to your family reunion slash emu party. Those things are pretty legit. I wish my family had them so that I could actually SEE and, dare I say, GET TO KNOW my relatives. Karaoke was probably good practice for you too, for when we start frequenting karaoke bars together. Our staples will be "Don't Stop Believin", "Dynamite", and "Build Me Up Buttercup". Plus any and all Clay Aiken songs.

I can't get over what a good photographer my friend is -- http://ktcrabbphotography.com/blog/

I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES SAYING HEYYY OHHH GOTTA LET GOOOOO
I WANT TO CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE SINGING HEYYY OHHHH BABY LET'S GOO
WE GONNA ROCK THIS CLUB
WE GON GO ALL NIGHT
WE GON LIGHT IT UP
LIKE IT'S DYNAMITE

(I'm loling thinking about singing this song with the ferocious intensity that caps lock denotes.)

I am absolutely head over heels for your Psych-a-Deli idea. Did you come up with that yourself? There's nothing better than a fresh chicken salad sandwich topped with a generous dollop of justice. I think we should go forward with this idea. There are a lot of details to work out though. Such as, do customers have to buy a sandwich in order to get a meeting with us? Which will be the business front -- the deli or the PI office? Or will it be like a half-and-half kind of deal? Can a deli gift card be used for our investigative services as well? Will we serve corned beef?

I can't wait for you to be my children's crazy aunt. You should probably teach them pranks, as I will be pranking them from the time they're born. They'll need all the outside help they can get.

Sorry you're hot. Sara's dad keeps their house very cold, so I've been pleasantly chill. Except for when I walk outside, which for some reason happens a lot. And yesterday, when I left the house she works at, I opened the door to go outside and I LITERALLY THOUGHT I HAD WALKED ONTO THE SURFACE OF THE SUN. I could not see or breathe or feel anything but vicious, vicious fire burning over my body. I hope no one ever sets me on fire. That would be a sad way to die.

Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place... THE SUN?

Turns out I'm a merciless frisbee player. And I love reading Fiji updates.

Becca out.