Chapter 1: Your Laptop
I can't say I'm a big fan of making spur of the moment decisions when it comes to electronics because they happen to be my enemy in life. Second to Satan, I hate them the most. I almost said Stan... good thing I don't know a Stan, or that would be really offensive. But it's a love-hate relationship with electronics (unlike Satan) because I need them. But I hate them. And I hate that I need them. And they hate me. As facebook would say, it's complicated. But Rachel, if you bought this computer, I am sure that it is going to work for you. I trust that you thought hard about it and were wise enough to make a good decision. If it does happen to be a mistake, no big deal. God will make sure it all works out.
Chapter 2: Miss Butt
That's a ridiculous name. Not even Jane Austen can pull that one off.
Chapter 3: Hunger
I hope you are eating now. I am eating soup. However, it is not very satisfying. It's so liquidy... I have to hunt to find anything substantial to put in my mouth. I am sure I will be hungry again in like an hour. I did not eat breakfast today. I really do not like to eat breakfast. Even if I am actually hungry in the morning, nothing wets my whistle. (Which reminds me of the time when a traveling salesman came to our door and asked if we had anything to wet his whistle because he was so thirsty.) I made the mistake of telling my boss once that I had eaten a hot pocket for breakfast. Now he asks me all the time. My eating habits seem to intrigue him. I wonder if I will have to show him the hot pocket video... perhaps. He's a cool boss.
Chapter 4: Apologies
Sorry you're bored. Sometimes I am too, but I slack off and get away with it because I'm not really an employee.
Chapter 5: Empowered Women
That is pretty cool. I was considering cutting all of my hair off as a sign of female empowerment. Not really, but I think I might cut it. It's annoying. Like femininity. JK!!!! Femininity ROCKS... sorry boys. You rock too, but in a different way that I can't really relate to.
Chapter 6: Too Many Clothes
How interesting. I did not know you had that many clothes. I find that I am slowly but surely pulling a good chunk of what I own out of my closet to give away to the battered women's shelter. Just because I don't wear them enough to keep them, or they don't look as great on me as I once thought in that undoubtedly altered fitting room mirror. And I don't really have money to buy a lot of new clothes since I bought some work clothes recently, so now I don't have many work clothes or casual clothes. It's a predicament. But it forces me to be creative with my outfit making. Although, I think I may have to go buy a jacket at target since I can't wear sweatshirts to work... ay.
Chapter 7: Space Metaphor
I went to Saturn, but I didn't put a ring on it. I mean, it was no Venus. No way I'm going to tie myself down to one single planet! I'm still a playa! Man I am a meteor.... it looks like I'm coming toward you, Earth, but I'm not. I'm a tease... I'll just make you think I want you and then veer right towards Mars. Ohhhh and Earth, I may look good, like a hot star shooting across your sky, but I am bad news. The minute I set my sights on you, you are a goner. So stay away from me, Earth... I will put a crater in your heart. You don't want nunna this.
Epilogue: I bought an eggplant. I will experiment with it tonight.
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