To The Love Of My Life

Orlando, if you're reading this, ditch the model. I'm pretty sure I'm funnier, therefore more of a delight to be around. Plus, I make wicked awesome corn pancakes.

Sincerely,
The Woman You SHOULD Be Married To

To The Second Love Of My Life,

Hey Becca! Sorry about that first thing, just had to get it out of the way and he won't answer any of my phone calls and his bodyguards won't let me close to him (but no order can restrain my love for Orlando!)

So, sad news, I think I'm going to have to unbutton my black vest. I was so excited this morning because I could button it without it being ridiculously tight, but now, after lunch, I think it's going to have to be unbutttoned.

I made a very big mistake yesterday. A MONUMENTAL MISTAKE! I was at Kroger and saw that the Special K cereal bars were on sale, including my favorite flaver, Honey Nut. So I bought two boxes, yesterday. TODAY one and a half boxes are gone. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I CAN'T STOP EATING THEM!!! HELP ME BECCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But on the plus side, I just spilled some rice on my pants and I'm wearing my shiny blue shirt today.

I think I am seriously going to work on making wedgie-free underwear. And I sincerely hope that some of our readers (and even you) just made the "That's gross and I can't believe she put that in the blog" face.

I wonder what it would feel like if a squirrel ate off your big toe. If that happens to you, will you let me know what it feels like?

You haven't been on facebook very much recently and that makes me VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just received a test email from one of our VPs. I hope I did okay because I didn't study for it. Bahahahahahahaha I'm so funny. I'm pretty certain that this makes me a joy to work with (poor Megan)

I have now checked out 3 new churches, and didn't really like any of them. This makes me very sad because I need a new church and fellowship with people my age SO BADLY! I think it's the reason I've been so depressed lately. Sunday, I got really sad and cried for no apparent reason. Can you send me some of your happy pills? The chewable ones? Shaped like Spiderman? Thanks.

Okay that's it. I'm leaving. And you can't stop me. So don't even try. Because you will not succeed. Nothing will hold me back from leaving. NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!

Bye,
If you don't know by now I would seriously question your intelligence