Hello.....RACHEL.

I've been storing up so many things to tell you on the blog, but now I can't remember any of them. I only remember the last one, which just took place. I was watching Ellen, and it was the "what's wrong with these photos" photos segment, and it was an ad in the paper with a picture of bananas, and it said "yellow curved fruit -- 39 cents." I laughed OUT LOUD. I thought it was so funny.

So total tornado drama last night!!!!! I was super scared. I mean, I'm used to tornadoes growing up in Findlay, but it's different here when I have NOWHERE TO HIDE. I need my basement! But no. I was hiding in a closet with blankets, pillows, a flashlight, some water, my laptop for weather news, my Bible, and Tropical. You know, all the important stuff. Oh, and chapstick. You know I can't live without chapstick. And a roll of toilet paper in case I peed my pants in fear. JK, it was more for blowing my nose. And know what else happened while I was freaking out in my closet? Someone called for an interview. LOL funny Jesus. Your timing is hilarious.

Yellow curved fruit.

I discovered I really enjoy watching Last Comic Standing. Some of those people are HILARIOUS. Here's one I really liked. It's a Jewish joke, told by a Jew... so it's ok. "Do we have any Jews in the house? Yeah, enthusiastic, I'm a Jew too. How about anti-Semites, Jew haters, where you at? Make some noise. You guys are a bunch of liars. You don't hate the Jews? Come on, admit it, it's okay to hate the Jews, everybody hates us, everybody. Not just like, Muslims and Braveheart and my wife, everybody hates the Jews. I think a big reason reason for a lot of the anti-Semitism is that Jewish people think we're better than everyone else. That's the idea right? That we're elitist, that we think we're smarter, more talented, more enlightened than other people, and I'm here to tell you guys that is not true. We don't feel that way. Here's the thing....God does. That's in your Book too, guys, that's in your Book too."

I went to a once-a-year $1 book sale at a Hachette Publishers warehouse. I bought 26 books. But don't judge me, only 22 of them are actually for me. Four are gifts! I'm so generous. But I've already read one of them, and just started another one OH MY GOSH I'M SO STUPID!!!!! Ellen just asked, "What weighs more, a pound of chocolate or a pound of cotton balls?" And I was like, "Duhhhhhh chocolate!" College education? Check.

I think I'm going to chisel a life-size statue of you. I can't decide whether it will be granite, marble, or pure gold. We'll see. If you have a preference... I don't care.

I want to come see you soon. Let us barter times and dates. And presents to be given me.

Love, Becacacacacaca