Julie,

I greatly enjoyed your last post. You are so witty it gets me every time. Right in the gut.

I am chewing a piece of gum right now, which if you can remember my phone call to you is a pretty risky and potentially dangerous and life threatening activity to be engaged in.

My left arm/shoulder has been hurting me lately. At first I thought it was because my heart was failing, being so far away from you and all, and then I thought it was because I always wear my purse on my left arm, and my purse is ridiculously heavy. Bricks, dictionaries, staple guns, regular guns, hot glue guns, books, and water bottles can really rack up the pounds in a purse. So I started wearing my purse on my right shoulder. But it still hurts. Now I think it's because I hurt while sleeping one night. So I only slept on my right side last night. I didn't sleep well because I kept waking up in a fright if I caught myself sleeping on my left side.

HSAIOFODIHFIAEHVAIOUVHOWEP

I am going to start looking for sparkly, club-worthy, outfits for us to wear. Then I'm going to sew monograms on them just like Laverne and Shirley.

My small group is going to have a white elephant gift exchange. I feel like I would like to give an actual white elephant to the exchange.

If I could choose to have any pet, I would choose to have a Koala. That's right, a Koala. I'd name him Freddie.

If you could move to Columbus and start a business with me, what would it be? For me, it would be a blacksmith business.

What are your feelings towards laser tag?

Rachel, Contracted Killer

P.S. What if I actually made business cards for that? I'll tell you what, it'd be AWESOME!